Well,I put on 3 pounds.I kinda expected a gain after my disastrous weekend,but not that much! I did take out my frustrations from the traumatic shopping trip on a few pieces of southern fried chicken and chips and of course,my former (or so I thought) comforting friend,chocolate.

I did however somehow stay within points,but I did not eat all my points the next few days in an attempt to claw back from my dismal comfort binge.

Oh well.Do you know what though,I'm not gonna get upset about it.I'm not gonna go and self medicate with a bar of chocolate.I'm not going to cry and scream and get depressed.It's just 3 pounds.There are people out there worse off than me and there are greater things in the world to worry about than a few pounds.

Instead,I'm going to go on the treadmill later and track what I am eating for the rest of the week.My trousers feel looser,I am walking faster and further,I am not using my Ventolin as much.I will instead focus on these positives.

Speaking of positives,I would like to share a few positive quotes with you all,as I feel we,women especially,are beating ourselves up too much about conforming to the Western body beautiful,instead of celebrating the fact we are all individual and fabulous and womanly and that we are actually off our arses doing something for,above everything else,our health.

Here is my favourite quote from all time.I cant remember it exactly,but this is it more or less,from a fabulous book called Eva Luna by Isabelle Allende

'When I was 13 I became beautiful.......not because I was,but because I decided I was'

I want to get this tattooed when I get to my goal,in a condensed form,maybe 'I am beautiful because I choose to be'.I would also probably get it another script,maybe Arabic or Thai,so that it would be my little secret inspiration.

I've also just finished reading a book called 'Eat,pray,love' by Elizabeth Gilbert (well recommended,although she does get a bit too 'American and preachy' at times) She talks about a fabulous friend she has who said to her once while she was looking at herself in a mirror

'Admittedly I'm not one who looks fantastic in everything,but still I cannot help loving myself'

And another..............

'To allow others to be your yardstick will keep you enslaved all your life.'

xox

ARGH! Body Facism!!!!!

Well,Ive had a bit of an all over the place weekend,contributed to,by several incidents.

Firstly,I went clothes shopping on Friday,which is traumatic at the best of times,but that day I just wasn't able to find anything I liked.Everything I tried on made me look frumpy.It seems that plus size designers seem to think that swathes of unappealing,garishly patterned fabric will suffice for us curvaceous ladies.And then when I did find something I liked,my d@amn ample bosom made it appear as if the bust bit was bursting at the seams.So if you're above a size 16 it's either a tent or a too small,cleavage popping outfit,that would put a stripper to shame!

Now,I am usually quite a confident woman,but for some reason that shopping expedition knocked my self esteem for 6! I think perhaps the fact that I was shopping for summer clothes for my impending trip home was playing on my mind,as I have put on at least 3 stone and 3 dress sizes since I moved to Scotland 5 years ago.I've not been home to Sydney,Australia since,and am quite self conscious that peoples first thoughts will be my weight gain.I know its silly and like all my friends and my darling partner say,no one will be thinking about that,they'll just be so happy to see me after a long absence,I still can't help feeling down.

In Australia we don't have tabloids,or magazines like reveal,closer or heat,with their relentless persecution of women's bodies and 'circles of shame'.I personally boycott them for the above reasons,but I happened across one at my mates place...........and wish I hadn't bothered.There was the infamous 'fat' pictures of Jessica Simpson,and various diet tips from celebrities,which were just utter,jaw dropping madness! There was the usual,don't eat carbs,don't eat after 6,do the special K diet when you're feeling fat etc, and some absolutely ludicrous ones,but the thing is,these ladies are scarily thin anyways.Size 6 -8.I want to be a 14! I want to eat carbs when I want! I want to enjoy eating out with friends! I want to enjoy eggs,yolks and all! When will this madness end?

On Friday night I had a girls night in,chatting to a fabulous friend of mine who is an actress.She too is a curvaceous lady,always has been and always has been confident..........until now.She has confided in me that she is thinking about giving up acting! This has been her dream since she was wee,and what she has studied and struggled through a hard actors life for,with many a month without work.She has been in some great BBC shows,and is obviously talented,but the reason she is giving up her dream?!?!??!!? Her size!!!!!!! If you ain't a skinny minnie,there ain't no work for you.I am utterly devastated for her and for women as a whole as she lives and breathes acting,its her calling and her passion,and for her to give it up because of her size? Well its just makes me so angry I could cry.

After that chat,I awoke on the Saturday morning to The truth about Size Zero' with Louise Redknapp.I had been wanting to watch this for a while,and thought 'yay,finally someone speaking out about the madness of size zero',but I couldn't be more wrong........................

For one,Louise Rednapp was a scarily tiny 7 STONE something when she started the size 0 diet - a tiny size 8.Her BMI and weight was bordering on unhealthy! Could they not have got a healthy size 12 to really show the point? part of me thought it was a bit too put on and staged,surely the diet was not that much different from what she usually ate?

And Louise interviewed Denise Van Outen who proceeded to say she 'Loved her curves and her boobs and her bum' What curves,woman? What boobs and what bum? Get outta here!!!!!!

I know,that it is not healthy to be obese,but nor is it healthy for these girls to be subsisting on lettuce and egg white omelette's,or for a grown woman to weigh 7 stone and have a BMI and weight bordering on unhealthy.

To top it all off I got this months weight watchers to get some recipes and stay motivated.And I feel like shit now,cos the cover girl's weight loss was a whopping 2 stone!!!!!! WOW! And she went from a massive size 14 to a 10!!!! WOW!

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?!? A size 14 is considered fat?!?!?!?!?? That is worthy of a cover of a slimming magazine??? There was a woman in there who went from a size 30,to a 12,surely that is worthy of a cover?

And then I go over onto my facebook and check out one of my mates new photo albums of her on holiday in Bali and in her captions for 'who is in this album' she put 'me,carol,ben,blah,blah blah and 'my gut'.Now this girl is TINY - I'd say a size 8.My gut,my arse!!!!! I'm sick of size 10 girls going on about how fat they are in front of me - if they think they're fat what the hell do they think of me?I'm sick of being told I have such a pretty face and how I'd be even more beautiful if I lost some weight,I'm sick of how a skinny girl can have an ugly face but guys will fall at her feet,yet a girl whose big and curvy but has a STUNNING face,doesn't get a look in.I'm pissed off at myself for allowing myself to be unhappy with myself for all the above reasons.I'd like to say that the only reason I'm trying to lose weight is to be healthy,but i must admit it's for totally superficial aesthetic reasons too.

I can't believe I'm given up my feminist principles to fit into a dress.I don't even find skinny girls attractive,I like my 1940's and 50's style women,luscious and curvy.ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This society SUCKS! I should move to Cuba.

Recipes (couldn't think of a more exciting title)

As promised here are the Blueberry Lemon Drop Babycakes.........

1oo g flour
1 tsp baking powder
5 tsp Caster Sugar
Few drops vanilla essence
Dash cinamon and/ or nutmeg (both optional)
2 medium eggs,beaten
6 Tbs/75 ml skimmed milk
100g blueberries
1 lemon,zest and juice

Optional, Small pot 0% fat greek yogurt
1 Tbs honey

1.Sift all the dry ingredients in one bowl,make a well in the centre and add the eggs and whisk,gradually adding the milk and juice till smooth.You may need more milk than the recipe states,or alternately,use water.
2.Mix in lemon zest and blueberries.
3.Drop Tablespoons of the mix into a pan sprayed with frylite etc. and cook till bubbles appear and start to stop,then flip and cook on the other side.Serve with greek yogurt and honey.

Serves 4,makes 12. 3 points with yogurt and honey,2.5 without.

BNS Gnocchi Gratin

400g Butternut Squash
1 red onion,chopped into wedges
Pinch of Sage
Pinch of Parsley
Paprika
250g Gnocchi
250g Passata or 1/2 tub WW Neapolitan sauce

1.Cube the BNS and sprinkle with Paprika (optional),add the onion wedges and cook in oven on moderate heat.
2.Cook the Gnocchi according to packet directions,drain and keep warm.
3.Once the BNS is cooked through,put it into a heatproof dish,with the onions.Add the Gnocchi and the herbs and stir in the passata/neapolitan sauce.Bake in oven approx 10 mins at 180 degrees.

1 1/2 points per serving.Add parmesan cheese,optional,points 2 1/2 per serving.

Here's todays menu................

B: Big bowl special K creamy bliss 3

L: 3 weight watchers wraps 4.5
1 serving wafer thin ham 1
1 Tbs low fat mayo 1
2 Tbs Light Philly with garlic and herbs 3
1 bag Ryvita limbos,cheese and onion 1

D:1/3 portion brown rice 1.5
Tinned mackerel in tomato sauce 3.5
4 tablespoons sweetcorn 1.5

S:Mini snack a jacks 1.5
Pineapple 0.5
1 mini kit-kat 2.5
WW yogurt peach 0.5
S/F jelly if I'm still hungry

xox

Blueberry and Lemon Drop Baby Cakes

Aka,Blueberry and lemon drop scones,but why go with conformity when kitsch is more apt.I have been watching too many old films with suave men strutting in and greeting ladies with a flick of their fedora hat and a 'Hello babycakes'.

Again I diverge,back to the recipe.Well,as I was starting work late and hadn't planned on using many points I thought a wee afternoon tea treat was in order :) I found this in an old WW mag,and although my food photography skills aren't up to scratch,believe me,these are DIVINE,and only 3 points for 3 of the wee pancakes.

As for dinner tonight,I saw a recipe for Butternut Squash and Gnocchi Gratin,only 1 1/2 points for a big serving! The original recipe calls for cheese,but I decided it looked rich enough without it.I have never had Gnocchi before,maybe because they look like wee fat grubs,and I have a strange and irrational phobia of worms,grubs and caterpillars.Quite strange for an Australian.Snakes and spiders,no bother! Worms - hyperventilating panic attack! LOL!So anyways,I snuck a cheeky wee bite of one and they are delish,so I am very looking forward to having this for my dinner tonight.

Oh,and before I forget,I lost 1 lb this week,was a little dissappointed after last weeks 4 lb loss,but I did have an indulgent Monday,unexpectedly,as we stumbled upon a half price cocktail bar as a refuge from the snow.I think I stayed within points,however I did do my treadmill today and will continue to do so all this week,just in case.And after all, a loss is still a loss.Hope everyone else is having a good week and good WI's :D xo

Recipes will follow todays menu plan......................

B:Big bowl Special K Creamy Berry Bliss 3

L: 2 weight watchers Pittas 3
Homemade tuna,sweetcorn and mayo filling 6

D: BNS and gnocchi gratin 1.5

S: Blueberry and Lemon Drop Baby Cakes 3
Pineapple 0.5
Cheese Snack a Jacks 2
Clementines 0.5
Apple and Watermelon SF Jelly 0

19.5,8.5 left.Maybe a wee kit kat and a coke to keep me awake at work tonight.

BP: 1.5 Brisk walking on the treadmill,15 mins - not going to use this though and see what my loss is like next week.

Time is running away from me,so I promise I will put these recipes up when I come home tonight or tommorrow afternoon.xo

Next Weeks (WW Friendly) Baking Delights

Wow,People have actually been reading this :D Thank you everyone and feel free to comment :D

Just to let you all know,I have a few more recipes up my sleeve for next week - Lemon Swirl Cake (Our local butcher sells the most divine lemon curd), Gnocchi and Pumpkin Gratin,Salmon Fishcakes,Blueberry and Lemon drop pikelets (aussie for mini pancakes) as I found a tube of fresh blueberries hiding in my freezer,and ooh,I think something Chocolatey for the weekend - probably will try and adapt one of my decadent delights from my pre WW past.

So keep checking back and I will post the recipes and pictures as I go.Hopefully WW won't be chasing me down for copyright infringements,but as I am a Chef's daughter,I am sure I will make a few adjustments here and there,and then technically it won't be their recipe and that would get me out of that loophole ;P

Don't mean to be shamelessly self promoting,but I just adore food and cooking and sharing that love and swapping ideas.And as much as I want to lose weight I still believe 'FOOD SHOULD BE A PLEASURE'.We should never lose site of that,not just from a culinary side,but from the social aspect of entertaining and socialising.

I haven't really found any sites with WW friendly 'proper' cakes and bakes and recipes,sweet and savoury,so I'm hoping people will find this useful..............and if anyone knows of any sites,pass em my way.

Happy Baking :D xo

A foray into light mayonnaise and a lost mojo.

Has anyone seen my exercise Mojo? I seem to have lost motivation and can't get onto my treadmill or put on a DVD.Could be a mental thing coz it's Sunday - and I have to work :( Sundays in my book are days off for lazing about,not helped by the fact that I can hear my flatmate still partying and drinking from last night in the living room.

I'm getting old.I want to have the energy to do that and even pretend that it excites me,but the truth is,the whole clubbing concept disinterests me these days.......and this is from a girl who used to be able to partaaaaay till 6 in the morning and head straight to work for a 7am,8 hour shift!!!!!

I will however,get off the bus 2 stops earlier,which will mean a 10-15 minute walk to work,and perhaps do the same on the way back home tonight - if it doesn't snow as predicted! And there,that will be 20-30 mins walking without even being conscious of it!

I tried light mayonnaise for the first time today,my fellow foodies would faint,but it had to be done,and yes,it wasn't too bad at all :) I think my former aversion to it was partly psychological,although I do find that a lot of fat/sugar/salt free stuff tastes rather 'synthetic'.I still eat full fat cheese,however I use a lot less of it.I am however now using low fat spreads instead of butter,ww yogurts,semi skimmed milk and having breakfast - although this seems to go out the window and turn into brunch on a weekend :P

WI day is Tues and hopefully I'll have another good loss after my 4 lb/2 kg loss last week.i was dead chuffed,and yes,I still am having trouble getting my head around pounds and stone,hence my ticker thing being in Kg's.Hope everyone else is having a good week and if you find my mojo,please post it back to me.

Here's todays menu plan.............

Brunch: Homemade sweetcorn,tuna,cheese,lightmayo filling 3.5
Pitta 2

D: 1/4 somerfield healthy living quiche lorraine 4
Salad 0
Homemade wedges 1

S: Pineapple 0.5
Apple 0.5
WW dessert recipe yogurt 1
Cheese snack a jacks 2
Clementines 0.5
McVities yogurt break raspberry 2.5
Mini mars bar 2.5

5 points left,plus I was meant to have a bowl of cereal and S.Skim milk for 3 points,might have that before work to fill me up,but if not that's 8 points left................chocolate me thinks :D xox