Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Call me a freak but...........

I don't like soup.Not even evil Scottish winters can convince me of the virtues of soup.I just don't get the whole liquid lunch thing (especially savoury liquid) unless of course we're talking Champers and Cocktails.

However,as a sign of my commitment and determination this week.....(yes,I know it's only the first week,of my 5 millionth attempt,but usually by now I would be rocking in a corner,a mountain of chocolate wrappers by my side and an empty bottle of raspberry Vodka on the other.) I have made and eaten a big batch of veg soup made out of some poor dying,but still edible I might add,root veg languishing in the bottom of my fridge.I am now a convert.Who knew savoury liquid could taste so good?!?!?!? Although I draw the line at organic German potato juice I once saw in a Sydney hippie Deli.

I have to say,something has just clicked this time and without even consciously realising it i have this week so far...............

* NOT HAD ANY CHOCOLATE!!!!!!! Anybody that knows me,knows that I start to convulse and hyperventilate if there is less than a kilo's worth of various chocolate stashed about my flat....add to that Vodka of various fruit infusions and a bottle of Cava.There must always be chocolate,vodka and cava in my flat.

I've only noticed today as I was frantically searching my room for my camera and happened upon 4 different stashes.I realised I had not had any,nor did I feel remotely tempted.I read on another blog to break down what your favourite vice was - eg Chocolate is just a mix of sugar and fat.I know think of that every time I look at chocolate and cry on the inside.It's like finding out your idol's flaws I suppose.

And add to that,I have managed to go out on Friday night and Saturday night for dinner and not touch a drop of anything remotely alcoholic.And a bottle of Cava and Mango Absolut vodka remain sitting in their rightful places,unscathed by the weekends social events.

* I've actually come home from work,no matter how exhausted and been totally psyched to get on my treadmill - I even pushed myself like I've never pushed before and managed a solid 10 Min's of VERY brisk power walking,even,dare I say it,nearly a JOG!

* I've cooked every meal from scratch.I love cooking so that's not so much the issue.It's more about making the time and effort for myself and thinking and planning about what I'm putting into my body instead of whatever is the most quickest and convienient on offer

This had better show on the scales or I am going to throw a drama queen strop that would even make Bette Davis quake in her boots.

I've been wondering why this time I feel soooo much more determined and motivated than I have ever before,and I've pin pointed it to the fact that I'm coming up to the age where my mother had breast cancer and this has scared me into WW submission.All those other times I tried and failed,there was always an excuse to try again another time and continue on,knowing that I wasn't as grotesquely overweight as I am now,and had youth on my side.

Now I literally have to do this as the hereditary risk is too high for me to even chance carrying around excess weight,and I am determined to run/power walk the race for life next year for my amazing Mama who's a fighter and a survivor,and in memory of the other ladies in my life who didn't.

Ok,that's a bit too morbid and serious for my liking,I'm off to munch on something angelic and hope the next 8 hours fly in.Good luck to everyone else and thank you all so much for the lovely comments :D xox

Sunday, 14 June 2009

Bullet biting.

Well I bit the bullet and did it.I finally walked through the doors and joined a meeting.Starting weight a disgusting 19st 5lb,but this is the last time I will ever see those numbers on a scale again.

I feel uber positive already,the leader lady is an absolute sweetheart and I warmed to her straight away.She has a picture of herself at her heaviest blown up and displayed behind her at the meeting,which I have never seen a leader do before.She focuses on everyones loss and involves everyone in the discussions,whether they've lost a pound or 3,and re-iterates the fact that a pound lost is still a pound less and to be celebrated.

The rest of the ladies in the group are lovely and friendly and a whole age range from all different walks of life.This is the first meeting I've ever been to where I feel totally at ease.

My second day totally in the zone and it's all systems go! I'm working uber hours this week - including 4 waking nights,which totally buggers up my eating patterns,but all has been planned to a tee.I'm even going to try and do some form of exercise while I'm here (10 hours of basically sitting around doing nothing).

I've even transformed my treadmill from a clothes-horse to a proper exercise machine.20 minutes this morning,not much but I sweated like a beeatch and pushed that speed up higher and higher till I couldn't push it no more....probably a snails pace compared to most but I'll get there eventually.

Hope everyone else is doing well.xox

That moment of realisation.

This is the photo that was my 'moment of realisation'.It was taken back in March when I was back home in Sydney.

It's so horrible.I was mortified when I saw it.Look at the size of those arms! That tummy! The countless chins!!!!!

I can't believe looking at that,that I was once actually slim.

And here is my utterly delectable 9 stone Scotsman.I am literally double his size and weight.I've posted these up as much as a reminder to myself of why I'm doing this.

Every time the temptation of sticking a chocolate in my gob or baking a luscious cake because I'm feeling blue and want to gorge on comfort food I'll come back to these photos and motivate myself again.

Yet more reasons that I'm doing this ..........

*I want to..........................
*Wear sexy,luscious lingerie again and be able to buy out of Ann Summers and Cyber Corsetry instead of Bravissimo's floral,pastely,not so sexy range.
* Make love in all sorts of bendy positions that would make a Russian gymnast proud.
* Not feel like Jack Spratt and his wife and thinking everyone else must be thinking,'what an odd couple',whenever I'm out with my man.
* Go on some adventures next year and make my 30th year the absolute jazzy-fizzle-SHIZZ!
* For once in my life be slimmer than my sister (superficial and slight bitchy I know,but I'm sure there are many of you out there with slim sisters thinking the same)
* Compete in the Race for Life in 2010.

Most of all,I'm gonna be too fabulous for this town and don't you forget it sweet cheeks!!!!!! :D

(This pearl of wisdom was uttered last week during a drunken discussion with my sister.I'm totally sticking by it and posting it on my wall ;P )

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

A nearly mortifying experience!

I had a briefing today for a job I have on Friday at a conference centre for a creche.We were told we would be provided uniforms and I though that it would be a matter of just filling in a form and handing it in to the supervisor,saving afore mentioned mortification.

Noooooooooooo,the supervisor just asked us all in front of each other,and the 2 other agency girls,who are lovely,but size 14's .I just wanted the floor to swallow me up,but luckily I must have some good karma stored away somewhere as the supervisor diplomatically said that she had one which she thought would fit me,saving all embarrassment.

Yet another reason to lose weight and kick my ass onto the treadmill.I NEVER want to be that embarrassing position again.I remember in year 6,when I was about 10 or 11,for some silly maths exercise or something ridiculously irrelevant,we all had to come to the front of the class and be weighed,this was all in confidence..................but the teacher then wrote everyone's weights,anonymously,onto the board. (I think we had to figure out the average for the class or something) I wasn't the biggest in the class,but I was certainly one of the bigger pupils and was dying inside to see my weight up there in black and white,heavier than most of the other kids,for everyone to see.I was 45 kgs/7 stone and about the height I am now - 5'4/163cm.

I remember reading an interview with the fabulously luscious Aussie actress Deborah Mailman,who is gorgeously curvy and totally,brilliantly talented to boot,but she had a very similar story when she was young,except the children's names were next to the weights and she was the heaviest.It was called the 'weight tree'.Deborah was talking about how it totally traumatised her throughout her childhood and still affected her self esteem,even in her 20's.

Mortifying experience number 2: I asked my partner what he weighs,as he is a wee skinny thing.I love him perfectly the way he is,he may be skinny but he still has lovely abs and arms for his frame.I've never been attracted to big muscly guys.....in fact it's a bit of a turn off for me.And I've always been self conscious of the fact that I am so big and curvy and he's so skinny,but anyways,I diverge! I asked him what he weighs and he is 9 stone!!!!! I'm literally double his weight!!!! I know I'll never be 9 stone,nor do I aim to be,but it's a reality check that I am walking around with literally my boyfriends weight as excess (I figure I need to lose 7-8 stone/44.5 - 50 kgs) and with thighs double his size!!!!

Hopefully I will finally be posting a loss next week - and for many weeks after that.Good luck!!!! xox