This week is pretty much a write off.

Yesterday afternoon I got the news from my mum that her brother had very suddenly and unexpectedly passed away.He was an absolute gem,flamboyantly gay,out loud and proud and never giving a f*ck what anyone thought.

Unfortunately for my mum,he lived in Amsterdam and she of course would be unable to attend his funeral at such a short notice,as well as my other uncle and his family as they are in Indonesia.So,the eldest daughter is stepping in to represent the immediate family and sort through his belongings for my mum and family.It's safe to say this week is a write off as exercising and eating well are the last things on my mind during this whirwind trip.

I have a very Indonesian attitude to death.Maybe it's my job,maybe it's the genetics maybe it's both,but I went to bed with a smile on my face thinking about how my beloved 'Om Ondos' was the person who taught me how to plait hair - we practised on my barbie dolls.Of all the outrageous stories he would tell me about his many flings and conquests,at an age when I was probably too young to be exposed to such things,of his flamboyant outfits and even more outrageous nature.

When I came out to my mother 9 years ago,it was him who calmed her and assured her.I told my mum first as obviously having a gay brother would have made her more accepting as opposed to my stern German father.It was in fact the opposite,my father was so loving and accepting and it in fact was the turning point to our once extremely volatile relationship.

My mother was quite upset as deep down she is still quite traditionally Indonesian and was worried about grandkids and how the world would treat me.Om Ondos was delighted 'Oh great,another one of us' I think were his exact words and through humour he made my mother come around.He also took it upon himself to introduce me to the gay and lesbian scene of Amsterdam when I first visited him there,as well as to all the single lesbians he knew ;)

I can't quite remember how he became to be christened Om 'Ondos'.Om Ondos means cheeky uncle or something along those lines in Indo and as long as I can remember we've always called him that.

I've just got off the phone to my sister where we chatted about the daunting task ahead of us,of all the family we'll see who we've not seen or contacted in year etc.Of how we need to ensure we keep in contact with our cousins and extended family rather than be brought together in such sad circumstances.Of how they will all be talking Dutch and the ceremony will be quite religious and how I need to behave (no offence to anyone but me and religion just don't mix) Of how we will just stick together and be there for each other quietly in a corner..........................I can just imagine Om Ondos joining us,bitching about what he/she is wearing and how dare he/she wear that to my send off,who's shagging who,who he's shagged but most of all I can just imagine his first words to me would be 'Why the hell did you turn straight girlie!!!!!'

Thank you Om Ondos,for teaching me how to plait my hair and most importantly to be loud and proud and not give a f*ck what anyone else thinks.Rest in Peace Om Ondos,you are fondly remembered and sorely missed.

Another FABULOUS blogger and losing that sense of style

First of all I have to say a HUGE thank you to the absolutely awesome Claire.She always comments on my posts and is so encouraging.You should check out her blog,it's utterly fabulous and witty and she's the kinda girl I'd love to have with me on a night out.Thank you Claire for all your comments.We can totally do this! But I have to say lady,you look absolutely gorgeous as you are!

She's recently written a post which could've come straight from my brain about confidence,and losing your sense of style as you gain weight.I sooooooooo know where she's coming from.

I think I may have blogged before about how I used to have my own style.I used to get my hair done religiously.Never left the house without make up (though that may be more to do with immaturity than weight.I now know to let my skin breathe and only wear make up when I'm not working),always in pin up style skirts and heels,painted nails etc.

Now the only things that remain are bright,bold colours,red lipstick and I never,ever leave the house without a flower in my hair.I've always loved exotic flowers,it must be the islander gal in me.It's my one concession to glamour even when I'm working.


I'm kinda obsessed with frangipanis.Always have been,even when I was a little girl (leopard print too apparently).Anything with a frangipani and I must have it.The UK is finally starting to catch up and slowly frangipani scented things are trickling in.I've told the Scotsman as soon as we get our own place in Oz we must get a frangipani tree and a Great Dane..........the dog is a mutual agreement.Not so sure about a big F-Off frangi tree.

Anyways the point is,I've lost my style since I moved to Glasgow and gained all this weight (sorry Glasgow,but my weight is defined as 'Australia weight' and 'Scotland weight'.) My wardrobe is limited to what fits,rather than what I like and my night outfits are an embarrassing rotation of just 3 outfits.I'm no longer physically comfy walking in heels,finding 50's clothing is an impossibility,and I just generally don't take care of my skin or hair like I used to.......but! That's all changing.I've got scheduled girlie me time for face packs and general skin and haircare.

And as you all know I've joined the gym and I can actually see how people get addicted.I LOVE it! Not so much the burning muscles,jelly legs or sweating like a beeatch,but the pushing myself just that notch faster or 5 minutes longer and the feeling that I am doing something for myself and getting closer,albeit slowly,to my goal size.

Todays workout was: * 25 minute walking to the gym
* 50 mins on treadmill
* 20 mins on the cross trainer-torture contraption
* 20 mins swim
and about 15 minutes weights for my arms.

Eating has been good too: B: Raspberries and blueberries and a soy yogurt
L: Baguette with grilled chicken,light mayo and half fat cheese
D: WW Beef hotpot but it was minging so I only ate the potatoe topping
S: Wotsits x 2 mini bags

Finger's X'd for a more than 2 lb loss this Sat.I know that down the line I'll be happy to be consistently losing 2 lb's a week but I just want a biggish loss to kind of psychologically kick start my mental state.xx

Hangover Saturday

No gym today due to a wee after work drink with a colleague - 'just the one,we'll just get one round each' which ended up being a 3am job.My poor heed!

WI day today,lost 2 lb's.Must admit I was slightly disappointed it wasn't more what with all the gym bunniness and totally on track eating,but then I read a few blogs and articles that said it may not show straight away.Apparently your body needs time to adjust and hell,it must've been a total shock to the system to my body.It's probably clinging onto every drop of fat for dear life!

Anyways,i shall spare you my inarticulate,hungover ramblings and promise you and myself I will stay on track today (no recovery foods!) and take myself to the gym on Monday.Have a great weekend everyone.................weekends hold no significance for me.I've been a shift worker since I was 18 and hence I never get that TGIF feeling.Sleepover shift tomorrow.Working Sundays sucks!

Stripper poles and sweaty betties.

My flatmate got a proper stripper pole for Xmas.She's not a pole dancer (not that there's anything wrong with that,as long as it's totally consensual on the ladies behalf) but she's been taking classes as a way to keep fit and have more body confidence.

It's the total jazzy fizzle shizz.I mean this thing is properly anchored floor to ceiling in our living room,not one of those ones you get out of Anne Summers,it's the proper deal.J's also got a few pole dancing DVD's so maybe when I get to the halfway mark I can start working towards the Kimberly Wyatt PussyCatDoll- uber high leg kick fantasy.I'm sure Ms. Monroe would've approved of a little pole action.

In gym news I totally pushed myself today,more than I ever have in my entire life!:
* 40 mins on the treadmill (at a consistently faster pace than usual)
* 20 mins on the bike
* 25 mins on the elleptical/cross trainer (I sweat like i never have before)
* 10 minutes weights for my arms
* 30 minutes swim

Eating well just totally falls into place as I don't want to waste all that hard work and effort.

Maybe fitting into my Sugar Kane dress by Christmas isn't such an impossibility after all?

One of these days,I'm gonna be able to do this..........

Totally Epic Work Out

25 minute walk to the gym
25 mins on treadmill
25 mins on bike
15 mins on the elleptical/x-trainer thing
10 minute weights
20 minute swim

120 mins of exercise! This is gonna hurt in the morning.............

A few quick NSV's

Today I did the grocery shopping for the service users and one key requirement in a team consisting mainly of women is a truckload of biscuits.The sweeter the better,the chocolatier the better.I came back with about 5 different packs of biscuits and I did NOT:

* Immediately attack them the minute I got through the door,even though I was starving.
* When we had our afternoon tea,I managed to happily satisfy my afternoon slump with just a teeny tiny (this thing literally was minuscule) chocolate-caramel shortbread and a toffee apple shortbread.All accounted for and pointed up.
* I didn't touch them the rest of the shift and stuck to all the snacks I brought in with me.

I found out the Scotsman's work schedule is fcuk'd up again due to a shitey asshole deputy manager and we will not be having any days off together or possibly even seeing each other for at least 3 weeks (which totally sucks as we don't live together and rarely see each other as it is) and plus I checked my bank account and wayyyyyy overspent on the card - yet another skint 3 weeks ahead.

Instead of burying my feelings in food,primarily sugar and chocolate,I faced them and worked out a budget.As for the Scotsman and I,well that still totally sucks but I didn't eat my feelings. And finally,I actually am craving the gym!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a horrible day at work today and I kept thinking how good it would feel to stomp it out on the treadmill or thrash it out in the pool.WTF?!?!?!?!