Stress!!!!!

UGH! Thank feck that week is OVAH! It's been a horrible,horrible week and as a result I've ate everything in site to combat my emotions.Yes,I know it's totally the wrong thing to do,but I had literally no time to go to the gym or do anything active to get out the stress and rrrrrrrrage.

I know I need to get on top of the emotional binge eating but I just don't know what I can do,short of seeing a shrink! I've mentioned before,but I am soooooo unhappy at work and getting unhappier by the minute.

To summarise,I took a total tumble down the career ladder when I came to Scotland and have now hit a brick wall and can go no further.There is no point me studying any further here,as we (all goes well) will be outta here by the end of the year and my workplace,as with most others,stipulate that I would need to stay 2 years if they put me through my SVQ,plus it takes at least a year.

And the annoying thing is I have ample qualifications and training and experience,both from here and Oz,just not a damn SVQ.So long story short,I have been working 50 - 60 hour weeks for the last 2 years and still don't have a full time contract.I work my arse off and am totally underpaid and undervalued.I work with challenging children who are 2:1 ratio in school and yet I am expected to deal with them and take them out into the community on my own,and I'm seeing people with half the experience and training I have in full time contracts or managerial positions and colleagues totally taking the piss with sick pay and work in general.

And if I hear one more manager saying 'well we're all lucky to have jobs' I am gonna be dragged off by the men in white suits.

I know it's a really hard time economically and people are really struggling for jobs,but sometimes I feel companies (not just mine,but the Scotsman's and friends etc) are just using this to take the piss and make us work like donkeys.

I am actually getting to the point where I am contemplating chucking in support work altogether.What else I would do,I don't know,but I would even happily take a job at Asda or something if it meant a stress free 7 months till we get to Sydney and I work my way up again.

Which brings me to the next moan.My heart is just not in Glasgow.I want to be home.I want sunshine and beaches.I want 40 hour,5 day weeks.I want double the pay I'm earning now (yes my pay would literally double).I want regular time with the Scotsman not a day or afternoon snatched once every 10 days.I want a nice 2 bedroom house,not a flat share.I want to be able to afford to go out on a regular basis.I want 17% tax and no National Insurance. I just don't want to be here.

I know that I'm lucky I have a roof over my head in a huge tenement flat,with chilled out flatmates,full cupboards,a wonderful partner and sister who moved to the other side of the world for me,but I can't help feeling this down.I don't feel like I am living,but merely existing here. So,that's where I'm at and why the horrendous week.Thankfully the damage was only 1lb gained.

Still not an excuse tho.I need to shake off this dark cloud and get on with weight loss and getting to the gym and trying to focus on positives in my life.

Totally shit week both diet and work/mood wise and tomorrow I'm being dragged off to Mcfly.................Monday it's Eliza Doolittle and yet no one will accompany me to Cradle of Filth or Rob Zombie?!?!?!?

Anyways,I have so much to rant about,both weight wise and non weight related but that's for Sunday arvo.

xox

Saturday WI

Stayed the same.Pretty pissed off,I don't understand how -intense exercise 4 days of 7.Stayed within points and didn't touch activity points.At least it's not a gain,but I still thought there would be something lost.

In the grand scheme of things I know it's a minor pain in the arse compared to what other people are going through,so I'm off to make a meal and gym plan for the week and try and look forwards.

xox

WI.............

In more positive news,I lost 2 lb's which brings a loss of 6 lb's in 2 weeks! I've finally broken the stone barrier which has eluded me the last year.

I've also been to the gym 4 days out of 5 (!!!!!) and worked really intensely.....in fact I nearly ran for a few seconds on the treadmill.Thought better of it though,as for 1) I would've ended up with 2 black eyes,and 2)I don't think my poor joints are ready for my jelly at speed higher than a power walk.

I'm thinking about booking in for a personal training session every 2 months or so.At £28 they're quite pricey,but I feel I'm kinda clueless.Generally I do 1 hour or more of cardio,then about 15 mins of weights,then sometimes a quick swim.I don't know if I'm doing the right weights though and how many I should be doing etc.Plus I need some sort of lower back strengthening program as my back is still a little tender,2 days after a shift at a house where there's some pretty intense (and most probably illegal!) manual handling.Plus it will help me see how I'm progressing.

I've got a few uber easy,uber quick recipes to share,but I will have to post them another time as I am completely shattered after such intense physical exertion and an intense shift at work.Till next time!

xox

For Japan with Love

Well first of all I have to start by saying I hope anyone reading this who has loved ones in Japan,I hope they are safe.I'm by no means religious at all,in fact this whole disaster makes me question it even more,but I do send prayers and good wishes Japan's way,and of course the people of Christchurch and NZ who are rebuilding their lives,physically and emotionally.

I will definitely be participating in this...................



Please check this for more information.xox

Green monsters and monter workouts

I feel soooooooooo much better about things after having a wonderful girlie night.Lot's of good girlie chat and wedding porn.I'm addicted to rocknrollbride.com and my girlies came up with some more goods.I've got a few companies to ring up thanks to a colleague.So I'll just keep chugging away till something better comes along.

Hauled my ass to the gym in the near cyclone conditions Glasgow is having.Epic 90 minute workout! 50 mins on the treadmill and 25 mins cross trainer.My eyes are currently being held open by match sticks,I'm so exhausted.

Nothing like some fashion porn to kick a lady's butt into gear.My colleague and I took one of the ladies out for a post of lunch and window shopping at Debenhams.LOVE Star by Julien Macdonald especially that dress.And H by Henry Holland has some absolutely adorable pin up style pieces.

Eating wise I've been mega good,though I had porridge for dinner.The weather outside was so horrible it was just what I wanted and filled me up,staving off the chocolate.

Oh and I made my first ever Green Monster.It was divine!

OK,It's not very green but there was 2 handfuls of spinach in there.Plus 1 handful each of frozen mango,strawberries and blueberry mix.Teaspoon cashew nut butter and kara coconut milk.I'm already looking forward to tomorrows!

I love these things.so..........................

A. Age: 30 - 31 in a month
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore you dislike: Everyone of them!
D. Dogs: The Scotsman and I dream of owning a Great Dane one day,I want a chocolate brown one to be christened 'Coco Muffin' but I've been vetoed.
E. Essential start to your day: Real,proper,coffee.No instant shite.With German coffee cream.
F. Favorite color: Purple and Turqouise
G. Gold or silver: Silver!
H. Height: 5'6 I think
I. Instruments you play(ed): Not a musical bone in my body
J. Job title: Support worker,children and adults.
K. Kids: No thanks.Tho I do think we would make uber cute mixed,mixed race babies.But then the European gene would be totally dominant.I don't know.I'm so curious I loved mixed babies.
L. Live: Glasgow,Scotland
M. Mothers name: Jane
N. Nicknames: Schatzi.No one but my collegues or people who don't know me call me Steph/anie.Even my friendsMy name in the family has been Schatzi since I was a wee wean...........I know I'm in trouble when I get called Stephanie
O. Overnight hospital stays: Once when I was wee - asthma related
P. Pet peeves: Ignorance.
Q. Quote from a movie: Wayyyyyy too many to mention
R. Righty or lefty: Right
S. Siblings: One gorgeous wee sister.
T. Time you wake up: Anywhere between 6am and 1pm
U. Underwear: None ;)
V. Vegetables you don’t like: Sprouts and courgettes,turnips.
W.What makes you run late: My general scattiness and disorganised state of mind and physical surroundings.
X. X-rays you’ve had: Dentist,broken leg when I was wee.
Y. Yummy food you make: My spring rolls (proper Indonesian ones),lasagne,satay,fried rice are much requested,but especially spring rolls.If I do say so myself my baking is phenomenal,my fudgy chocolate cale with fresh cream and raspberries would be the most requested tho - and self saucing chocolate pudding.Why am I fat????????? ;P
Z. Zoo animal favorites: I always feel morally wrong visiting zoos,but of course it's a tiger.Followed by orangutans.

Eating My Feelings

Today a colleague was complimenting me on my weight loss.I can't see it,and I have been yo - yoing up and down like crazy,but she assures me that it is visible that my body shape is changing.She's not the only one who's noticed so maybe it's true.

Coincidentally it's been since Feb when I have been doing uber amounts of walking for work,mostly while pushing wheelchairs.

Anyways,as ladies do we got onto weight loss and eating etc. and we were discussing our horrendous weekends (eating wise) and M hit the nail on the head....."No wonder,you were probably eating coz you were pissed off.I know I was"

It's so true.Staff morale is very low and all us ladies are eating the house out.I am really unhappy with work at the moment.I know we have less than a year if all goes to plan,but my wages have dropped a couple of hundred quid so I really can't stick it out.

If it was job dissatisfaction and a decent wage,I could deal with it.But not working all month unhappily and stressed out for little financial reward.

Plus,I'm hardly seeing the Scotsman.It's gone from once every week to once every 10 days to 2 weeks!!!!!! And of course,it's all due to work.Add onto that the stress of the whole visa process and the pennys finally dropped that I'm eating my feelings.

You've all probably noticed it's been a running theme over the last year or so.I just thought I was being an absolute tit and self sabotaging.

Take Saturday night for instance.I indulged in gluweine mit schuss (mulled wine with an added 'something' of your choice.Mine of course is blueberry/apple/raspberry vodka) a habit we picked up at the wonderful Xmas markets in Berlin.Plus I had my beloved Rekordelig strawberry and lime,some german frikadellen.........on bread rolls.Followed by a bar of Consious raw chocolate . This flavour was DELICIOUS by the way.Please don't be put off by the algae.Fcukin gorgeous! I suppose every time I see my gorgeous Scot,as it's so few a far between,I see it as a wee mini celebration.And because I'm so happy I indulge.

The theme continued till Monday morning when we parted ways for another 10 days.I had a stressful day at work,was sooooooo cold as I hadn't dressed for the weather and was just generally on a comedown from departing from my Scotsman.

So instead of going to the gym and working that stress off to some good old metal (yes,it does de-stress me) I came home and ate.

ARGH! So what to do about it?????????? I want to try and learn crocheting after seeing this post. Is it not the most adorable thing you have ever seen? I need something to keep my hands busy and my mind occupied......besides the gym.

Well,I'm of to mull over strategies to combat the emotional eating,when I'm both happy and sad.

xox

UGH! After a near angelic week culminating in a 4 lb loss I've been totally crap with the eating and drinking on the weekend.............well Sat. night and Sun.At least Saturday wasn't a total write off.

Failed to go to the gym today.Was famished after work and so came home and ate crap instead.ARGH! Plan to walk to work tomorrow and gym Weds,Thurs,Fri to try and repair some of the damage.

Any tips on how to eat well when in a relationship with a hunk a spunk o' Scottish beefcake that can eat whatever he wants and never put weight on,please send them my way.

Day 2 - 30 days of photos

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest


This is my best friend Stef.We've known each other for 14 years,and while we may have not known each other the longest out of my close friends,she s the only one who really 'gets' me.She's the only one to have made an effort to consistently keep in touch by any means necessary over the last 7 years I've been overseas and she is the only one to have made the effort to come and visit me.I can tell her absolutely anything in the world and know that she will inderstand and be non judgemental.She's the best friend a girl could ever have.She is my kindred spirit and I love her to bits.

EPIC workout tonight.......well for a first week back.40 min treadmill and 20 min cross trainer.Loadsa walking throughout the day.

Near angelic,near vegan eating today.

A date night in with myself tonight-Rekordelig strawberry and lime cider,roasted gnocchi (recipe when I get the laptop up and running) with broccoli and some raw chocolate for dessert.Will let you all know what a chocoholic like me thinks of the raw stuff.

Off for a well needed shower.xox



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This could only happen to me........

The borrowed laptop that I have been ever so careful with has gone kaput!Well the laptop is ok,it's just the plug won't charge.Changed the fuse to no avail,ordered a new charger/plug from EBay so hopefully that will be problem solved.

So it will be short and sweet posts from the iPod for the mo.Sushi was a success,and scaring easy.The hardest thing is getting the rolling right,or that may just be clumsy me as I was using a proper sushi mat.It's probably easy.......if you're coordinated.

No gym yesterday or today due to long days,but definitely morrow and fri.The weekend is out as I have my first sat night and sun off with the Scotsman in yonks!

Going to make him sit down and read the visa application and info cover to cover......all 100 odd pages of it!

Promise sushi recipe and photos will come soon and I will try and reply to all your lovely comments either tonight or tomorrow.xox

*******I've now decided to haul my ass to the gym tonight.No excuses-it's open till 9.



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