Sunday, 27 March 2011


UGH! Thank feck that week is OVAH! It's been a horrible,horrible week and as a result I've ate everything in site to combat my emotions.Yes,I know it's totally the wrong thing to do,but I had literally no time to go to the gym or do anything active to get out the stress and rrrrrrrrage.

I know I need to get on top of the emotional binge eating but I just don't know what I can do,short of seeing a shrink! I've mentioned before,but I am soooooo unhappy at work and getting unhappier by the minute.

To summarise,I took a total tumble down the career ladder when I came to Scotland and have now hit a brick wall and can go no further.There is no point me studying any further here,as we (all goes well) will be outta here by the end of the year and my workplace,as with most others,stipulate that I would need to stay 2 years if they put me through my SVQ,plus it takes at least a year.

And the annoying thing is I have ample qualifications and training and experience,both from here and Oz,just not a damn SVQ.So long story short,I have been working 50 - 60 hour weeks for the last 2 years and still don't have a full time contract.I work my arse off and am totally underpaid and undervalued.I work with challenging children who are 2:1 ratio in school and yet I am expected to deal with them and take them out into the community on my own,and I'm seeing people with half the experience and training I have in full time contracts or managerial positions and colleagues totally taking the piss with sick pay and work in general.

And if I hear one more manager saying 'well we're all lucky to have jobs' I am gonna be dragged off by the men in white suits.

I know it's a really hard time economically and people are really struggling for jobs,but sometimes I feel companies (not just mine,but the Scotsman's and friends etc) are just using this to take the piss and make us work like donkeys.

I am actually getting to the point where I am contemplating chucking in support work altogether.What else I would do,I don't know,but I would even happily take a job at Asda or something if it meant a stress free 7 months till we get to Sydney and I work my way up again.

Which brings me to the next moan.My heart is just not in Glasgow.I want to be home.I want sunshine and beaches.I want 40 hour,5 day weeks.I want double the pay I'm earning now (yes my pay would literally double).I want regular time with the Scotsman not a day or afternoon snatched once every 10 days.I want a nice 2 bedroom house,not a flat share.I want to be able to afford to go out on a regular basis.I want 17% tax and no National Insurance.
I just don't want to be here.

I know that I'm lucky I have a roof over my head in a huge tenement flat,with chilled out flatmates,full cupboards,a wonderful partner and sister who moved to the other side of the world for me,but I can't help feeling this down.I don't feel like I am
living,but merely existing here. So,that's where I'm at and why the horrendous week.Thankfully the damage was only 1lb gained.

Still not an excuse tho.I need to shake off this dark cloud and get on with weight loss and getting to the gym and trying to focus on positives in my life.


Headspace said...

Good luck with getting it all sorted out. I was under a similar cloud this time last year, in a dead-end and with no clear prospects, but luckily I managed to get myself out - and at least there's Australia on the horizon, albeit a while away yet! And perhaps if you do manage to get back to the gym etc, that will give you the little emotional boost you need to see these final few months through...all the best!

Claire M said...

oh dear!this is typical blue Sunday heaviness!Sunday is a horrible day!should be banned!! Lot of heavy stuff going on for you but just try to remember that you're fabulous!and 7 months is a short time and you've a wedding to look forward to as well!