Eeeeeek!I am so excited,nervous,feel like spewing,butterflies in my tummy.

We are awaiting the nightbus to London and the reality of everything is hitting me.I'm even TOO NERVOUS TO EAT which is unheard of in Frangipani world.

Off to London town!!!!!

Xox

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On a happy note we are getting the night bus down to London and lodging the visa tomorrow! EEK!

I had a mini breakdown on Sunday.Tears were shed and tiaras were thrown but we've done as much as we can now.All we can do is wait and see.I'm sure they'll contact us if we need anything extra.

I'm nervous and excited and have had butterflies since Saturday.

German guilt

I've just finished watching 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas'.

Currently bawling my eyes out and feeling 'German guilt'.

As most of you know,my father is German and all his family are still over there and I have a German passport.

We never,ever speak about the war and even the Berlin wall.My father only mentioned it once when we were on the East Side visiting his Grandpa's old house.He said he used to come and visit his Opa in the summer when he was a child and one day there were big trucks coming down the road with massive blocks on them.He asked his Opa what they were for and he replied that 'they are building a big wall'.That summer was the last time he saw his Opa.

We get wee fascinating snippets here and there when my Dad has had a few Jaegers but as a whole the wall and the war are never discussed.When I was younger I never used to understand why my Dad was at times seemingly ashamed to be German.I thought,it was in the past,people know Germans aren't like that nowadays.But then I met Germans my age when travelling and even they would say they were Scandinavian instead of German.

I never understood until I went to Auschwitz - Bergen Belsen myself in 2004 and felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt.Everything was set out so efficiently and orderly and so German.Think Germany and what's the first thing most people think of?

I have so many questions that I wish I could ask my grandparents or even my father but I know it's still too sore to ask about.I have travelled extensively around Germany and it's an amazing country with brilliant people.Of course there is good and bad in all races,but Germany is at least facing it's past head on and trying to reconcile for the future.

I had the chance to see an amazing exhibit called 'Hitler and the German People' at the German History Museum which explained how scarily easy it is for such a monster to come into power and then beat it's people into submission with fear which then leads to the horrors of Hitler's time.We need only look at Cambodia and it's killing fields or even what's happening in Libya at the moment.

Absolut MANGO vodka is now available in the UK.That is all.



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I got woken up by the Scotsman's alarm at 7:00am this morning and so have nothing to do but bombard you with my rambling and catch up on morning cartoons which I haven't ever had the time or been awake early enough for in yonks.

Yesterdays post was very cathartic and it was good to get all those reflections out and look over them and then discuss our future life with the Scotsman.It was nice for him,and myself actually to know that I do have much love for Scotland and will miss her and leave a part of me here as cheesy at that sounds.I really will miss it here.

Nothing I've seen ever compares with the highlands and lochs of Scotland.It's so beautiful and.....................majestic it actually brings a tear to the eye.If any of you gorgeous readers were to come to Scotland I would recommend hiring a car,driving through Glencoe (my favourite place in the whole of Scotland) and then drive up to Sandwood Bay.One of the most beautiful drives in the world and the 5 hour round trip walk to the beach is well worth it.Oh,and read up on your Glencoe history before you go,just makes it that more eerily beautiful.And men in kilts are the sexiest thing EVER!

And I've never had a deep fried Mars Bar here...........I have tried one on Bondi Beach however,shared with my sister sitting in what we thought then,was Baltic temperatures.It was lovely actually.The batter was a slightly sweet,coconutty mixture.Mmmmmm.I somehow don't think Glasgow ones will be of that calibre.This is the land of the battered,deep fried PIZZA after all.

I just need to try and calm down about everything.I actually got told buy a guy on the phone at the Australian consulate in London to not stress out and worry too much about our application.He actually told me to calm down and just relax.

PAH! Easier said than done.I know a few of you may have had experiences of trying to immigrate to Oz and know how damn hard and strict they are.However those feelings of frustration are compounded when you are Australian yourself,merely trying to get back into your own country with your future husband and no children.

I know we will most likely be fine but I don't want to be absolute about it all in the very slim chance it doesn't go to plan.It just seems a hell of a lot of rigmarole and I know it's to separate the wheat from the chaff but I still can help feeling slightly anxious about the whole thing at times.

I just want our quiet,beach side life in Kiama sooooooooo badly.Think a smaller,sleepier version of Home and Away.That's Kiama.And at a fraction of the exorbitant Sydney rental prices!I mean check out this listing.Whale watching from your own house?!?!?!?!??!

Anyways my lovelies I've rambled long enough and bombarded your timeline.I keep forgetting people actually read this!

xox

The lovely Tim asked me what made me come to the UK.I started to type an answer and realised it was getting wayyyyyy to long winded and deserved it's own post so here goes.........

Hahaha,I get asked that all the time.Basically I've always loved travelling,my parents met travelling and are both immigrants to Oz,so my sister and I were always encouraged to get out and see the big,wide world.

Did a couple of backpacking trips through SE Asia during my Uni breaks.I decided special needs teaching wasn't for me,it's severely under resourced and under budgeted.I respect teachers greatly for what they try and do with such limited resources but I just felt special needs teaching was like a glorified creche.

Sooooo,I dropped out of Uni and thought I'd better do something with my life as all my friends were either working their ways up the career ladder or sensibly stuck it out at Uni.I decided to make my way overland from Australia to Europe/UK.Which I did,and was the most amazing and at times scary,6 months of my life.

The options to settle were either Germany,with my very rusty Deutsche or Scotland which I'd always fancied for some reason.I definitely knew I didn't want to do London,Edinburgh or Dublin,so Glasgow it was as jobs for non-fluent,non TEFL qualified people were of course not very great and I was running out of funds.

I didn't want to do the usual big 3 as I wanted to come over here and really get assimilated in the local culture,as opposed to hanging about a bunch of other Aussies in Shepherds Bush.I came to Glasgow with my last pennies,intended to stay a year or 2 before moving on and trying to do some seasonal work around Europe,but the friendship with the Scotsman turned into romance and 2 years turned into 7.

Phew! Are you still with me? ;P

I don't regret the travelling or dropping out of Uni as I had some freaking awesome adventures,and met the love of my life.At times I have pangs of,not so much regret but maybe guilt for letting my parents down - they both dropped out of school at 15 due to poverty and worked their arses off to get where they are today,and because I realise that the opportunity for Uni has maybe passed me by,which some people would give their right arm for.

It's certainly been an emotional roller coaster,but that's another post......and don't even get me started on the weather.On the whole though,I'll be leaving (hopefully,all going well) with good memories,and leaving a little bit of my heart in Scotland which is still one of the most beautiful countries I've ever had the pleasure of travelling around.

xox

I got my September rota today and for the first time in a year I have looked at it without feeling dread,horror or a lurch in my stomach.My pay is inevitably going to suffer but I am so less stressed about work I don't care,I will just make do.

I will have more time for cooking and baking (on a budget),the gym and general 'me' time.

Inevitably one stress replaces another and I have been an absolute mess of nerves about the whole visa application,moving back to Sydney after SEVEN YEARS in Glasgow (7 1/2 in total away from home),having to live with the parents till we find our own place,finding jobs,starting from scratch,trying to organise a wedding from the other side of the world and with 7 months to go.And on top of all that my wee sister isn't talking to my mum and the parentals are exacerbating my stress levels.I'm thirty-fucking-one FFS! Yet they can still make me feel like a kid that doesn't know what I'm doing in the big,bad world.Helllllooooooooo!I've managed nearly 8 years on my own,I'm sure moving back to my HOME TOWN won't be that big a deal!

Mentally I'm not here anymore.I mean,my hearts not in it anymore.I'm ready to go home and in some ways I am already emotionally over there.My room is a shambles coz I just don't give a shit anymore,I know it's all going to get packed in boxes soon.And I just keep thinking in terms of Kiama/Sydney if that makes sense.

On the other hand,I'd always thought I would be racing to the airport as quick as my legs would take me,without a second glance but I'm beginning to realise I really will miss this place despite the total roller coaster ride my time here has been.

Anyways,I've rambled on enough for a a Friday night.Off to contemplate all these things taht are whirling about in my head.

xox

Super awesome yogurt cake recipe anyone????

I used to have a super awesome and healthy (!) raspberry yogurt cake with low fat cream cheese frosting from the Australian Women's Weekly.I cannot for the life of me find it online so I'm throwing it out to you lovely readers is you have any lovely cakey/muffiny recipes that involve yogurt?I have some about to go past the best before date but I'm sure they will be OK baked into something.

If I'm working it's usually always breakfast on the go and muffins are the easiest.Not the best,most healthiest choice,but when home made from a healthy recipe no worse than cereal or bread with jam,nut butters etc.

Goal for the month is to cook,cook,cook,bake,bake,bake*

*decadent baked goods shall of course be distributed amongst loved ones and workers.

Lazy Sundays are the shizz.......

Having an extremely lazy Sunday and it's complete bliss.Started the day with a cocktail and I'm not even going to apologise for it.Hell,it's my only day off and it was 6pm in Sydney...........

Met up with 2 of my wee sisters best friends all the way from Sydney.They wanted a true,artery hardening Scottish breakfast of black pudding,fried bread,potato scone and square sausage (plus the other usual culprits) and so we went to Brooklyn Cafe for the last time.

I've always thought it was a bit over priced,but the food and service is usually good so as a wee treat it's a nice outing.Today however the waitress was downright rude and abrupt,they forgot the Scotsman's order TWICE,then when it finally came out for the third time it was wrong!!!!

Now I understand mistakes happen,and having a father in the restaurant business I usually hate to complain,but it wasn't overly busy and I'm sorry,but it's blatantly obvious something is amiss when 4 out of your party of 5 has meals in front of them and one person doesn't!Then to forget it twice and get it wrong a third?!?!?!?!?

And the thing that gets us the most is that there was no apology or acknowledgement of the mistake.The Scotsman went home hungry and pissed off and had to have a home cooked brekkie when we came home,which he wolfed down like an 18th century street urchin.You all saw him in my last post,he cannot afford to not eat!!!!!

I've looked up reviews for Brooklyn however and it's not got that good a rep.Seems to be going downhill fast and the manager is getting a rep as a dour faced bast*rd.

But that's my rant over,I know it pales in comparison to the other things going on in this crazy world.Seems trivial to complain about a breakfast when people are dying for democracy and freedoms we take for granted.

In other goings on,I've just ordered a shitload of pin up and burlesque embroidery patterns and some creepy cute *crochet books in an attempt to keep my hands and mind busy and away from wandering towards chocolate. * Don't judge me,I can still keep up drinking with the young ones,thrashing to death metal and come home on a sunday and do some snazzy crafting!

I'm currently trying to piece together a weekly menu and get in some more (healthy) baking and cooking as we have not had a good,proper home cooked meal in yonks.Will post that up once I manage to tear myself away from my (pointed) homemade Sangria.I'm afraid it's going straight to my head and making my thoughts all fuzzy.Probably doesn't help that it's Aussie measures and not Spanish ones ;P

Till next time! xox

A wee Gem from a gorgeous,voluptuous vixen.........

A wee gem from a gorgeous Aussie fatshion designer and all round FABULOUS female,Gisela Ramirez

One of the things we love about you is that you’re so comfortable with your body (and rightly so!). Have you always been this way?

GR: Thank you! No, I haven’t always been this way, it’s been a journey. I think a good place to start is by throwing out your beauty magazines and detoxing from the pop culture definition of beauty. The next step is to bite your tongue when you think of criticising the way other people look or dress, and ask yourself why you feel the need. Those two single acts give you permission to see yourself in a different light & I promise they can make an impact on anyone’s life.

Oh dear..........

I've just seen my dream Whirling Turban wedding dress for a fraction of the cost at Vivien of Holloway.

There is now about 10 dresses I could possibly choose from.EEK!

Too many options for this indecisive little drama queen.Luckily the Collectif one I've bought already was uber cheap,and would totally be something I would wear on a daily basis.

Still possibly thinking about leopard print halterneck circle dress with a red petticoat,but my mum would probably not speak to me for 6 months and as much as it's NOT about her and all about MOI for one day of my life,I probably am just inclined for leopard on my wedding day just to piss her off.How the hell such a traditional mother gave birth to such a rebellious daughter I will never know.

Decisions,decisions...............

But it has given me a new found and much needed motivation.I've been good with eats,cutting down the drinking,no smoking this week.

Still need to fulfill my promise of coming on here with a meal plan for the week ala Paul.But I am so sadly skint that meals haven't been able to be planned as I have had to make a mish mash of whatever is in the cupboard.

One more week of crazy ass work then down to a 4-5 day week,so no excuses for the gym.

And it's a really bad photo (taken at a *relly bash - far too many cocktails and shots),but here is what I have to contend with..............

Look at his arm compared to mine.He is literally HALF my size and yet my Scotsman can eat 100 PP a DAY and yet remain the same weight since he was 16.Oh,and on his days off there's beer or red wine on top of that 100 PP!!!!!!!!!!

I need to be firm with him when he wants to get take aways.He thinks he's doing me a good turn as it means I don't have to cook and we get to maximise the precious time we spend together but even after 7 years he still can't seem to see the difference in our metabolisms :S

Off to look at wedding p*rn now.xox

P.S. A relly bash is an Aussie term for a party/BBQ with the relatives,family and friends i.e. the rellies.

The little Aussie battler that just won't give up.

Enough fcuking around.I officially suck at weight loss,but I cleaned up my blog roll yesterday and realised something.OK,I may suck majorly at sticking to exercise and healthy eating,I may be taking years to lose that second bloody stone,I may be fcuking around drinking and partying too much,I may have issues that need serious addressing to combat my emotive eating ,but I'M STILL HERE.

Plodding along,working away,falling off the wagon,screwing up,getting back on again,working away,falling off the wagon,screwing up,getting back on again,working away,falling off the wagon,screwing up,getting back on again etc. You get the picture.

The point is,I'm still here,still constantly trying and I will get there one day even if it takes a thousand FAILS! and re-tries.And I thank all of you readers that have been patient enough to still stick around when you hear the same old spiel over and over again.

Love you all long time! xox

Ugh,I've been up since 10:30am and haven't done anything constructive beside phone my parents and a friend.....and go out to get some stuff for dinner.Except I came back with 2 bottles of nice red (on offer,and one's for a rainy day!) and no dinner.

I guess the luxury and novelty of actually having a second day off in a week was too lovely to even contemplate doing anything other than potter about in my comfies.

I've not even turned the computer on till now.Ive been so lazy it's just twittering on the iphone.

I hope everyone is well and safe in London.Looks like things are slowly calming down? And I can proudly say that Glasgow is riot free.We were all really worried that we would be next as the poverty and deprivation is incredible here,not to mention the mindless thuggery that happens here on a daily basis thanks to the local Neds (Non.Educated.Delinquents) I was shocked when I first came here at the sight of some of the really run down,deprived areas.I'm not saying Australia is without it's problems but some places in Glasgow rival former Soviet countries.

However despite all this bleakness here is something to warm the cockles of your heart.............

Something nice for Ashraf

xox

First of all I hope those of you with loved ones near or in the midst of the riots are OK.We are checking anxiously on friends in London and can offer comfy couches and home cooked meals for anyone needing refuge.

I'm sorry guys,I know this is usually a lighthearted blog but I've just seen something that's made me really sad.

I was on my sisters facebook page and her status read 'London rioters = douchebags of society'

Most people's sentiments,including mine,exactly.However a friends of her mum then wrote this underneath..........

'We should have listened to old Enoch Powell all those years ago.My old man will be turning in his grave'

I will be honest with you guys,this nearly made me cry.

I understand the total anger at these idiots.At first I empathised with the frustration,the complex issues at heart etc. but now it's gone too damn far.

Since when however,was this idiocy related to race????????? This is not about race,people!!!! It's about a small number of numbnuts of ALL races!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't let a small number of douchebags taint your opinion of those of a different race to you.

If Enoch Powell were in power my sister and I,along with many other immigrants wouldn't have been allowed to settle here.My sister and I both work 2 jobs,at least 50 hours a week.We pay our taxes,contribute to Scottish/British society,have assimilated into the local culture and are generally good Scottish citizens.

We have however also faced the prejudices that come along with being racially unusual in a city/country that's not used to seeing immigrants other than Asians.I've been numerously told to 'Fuck off back to where you came from',called a p*ki bastard,a black bastard,gyppo bastard (told you we were racially unusual looking!) etc. Then there's the more subtle racism - being followed around a shop by the security guard,having my bus or train ticket scrutinised while loads of Scottish people are let ahead without so much as a glance,and been asked several times 'Are you half caste?'.This is deeply offensive for anyone that doesn't realise.Then there's all the blissfully ignorant questions that go along with being a half-Indonesian,half German,Sydney bred,Hong Kong born girl.

And of course I've witnessed all these things happen to other immigrants.However,I know that not ALL Scottish people are like that.It's just the ignorant few.

Please people,let's not make this sad,monstrous situation even worse than it is by bringing racism into it.

Hello Everyone,

Well twitter is blowing up with all the rioting in London.It's certainly divided Britain and makes me sad that it's come to this.

I absolutely do not condone the rioting,burning and looting,but I also do not agree with the police handling of the whole situation and the media's slightly right leaning views on this.And the way the Govt. is royally fucking over this country,well I'm actually not surprised it's come to this.

I'm seeing the effects of the public sector/govt. cuts and it's bloody scary.Both for our service users and for us staff.Quite frankly I am glad that we will hopefully be getting out of here as I really worry about the future here.I've loved my time in Scotland and I really hope the economy recovers soon.

That's all I wanted to say on the subject,please do not take what the media says for granted.Read a little further.This is a far more complex issue than it seems.

I hope that everyone in London is staying safe and this whole sorry situation calms down very soon.

And remember these are merely my left leaning views from an ethnic girl who has lived in Glasgow for 7 years and seen the best and worst of British society.I don't expect everyone to agree with me,and if you don't,cool,but no hate mail please!

Much love.xoxox

Eating out????/

I know I said I wouldn't blog again till I had successful losses but I can't shut the hell up,so here I am.

I wanted to ask how you combat eating out?

The big problem the Scotsman and I have is going out.As I've

said before,we see each other once a week on average.Now it's becoming more as he's early shifts and I no longer do so many sleepovers and nights.

As we have no kids and Glasgow has an ABUNDANCE of watering holes offering cheap pre-theatre deals we inevitably end up going out at least once a week,brunch or dinner.And while I rarely drink when I'm working on my days off I'm a total lush!

I have been really trying to have lime-soda-vodkas when out and avoiding my beloved cocktails.Much to my chagrin I found Mojitos to not be as low fat as I thought.So the drinking is kinda being controlled......it's just the actual eating out.

What do you do with your friends/lovers instead of eating out?Keeping in mind Scottish weather is not exactly kind to outdoor activities.And the scotsman and I LOVE our date nights.

I mean I adore food and the whole ritual of eating out.I don't want to become one of those food nazis who orders salad and skips cake when they go out.You know the types,I read those blogs and wanna cry.I know that's probably the reason why they are slim and I'm obese but most of those bloggers look a little too skinny for my liking.And I've read somebehaviour that's a little too obsessive IMHO.Don't get me wrong,they are in the minority.I get a lot of inspiration from healthy blogs/success stories......I just want to hit a happy medium.

I will never and don't intend on becoming skinny.I am aiming for a size 14-16 and able to run after a bus and up my flights of stairs to the 3rd floor without having an asthma attack.

I know to some that's huge and that's your before but I honestly find that voluptousness damn gorgeous.

Images from dailymail.com

So,I think I will follow Paul's great lead and plan the WEEK in advance rather than day to day.And any activity points/weekly are to be used on alcohol only.If not used,they're not eaten.So I will be back in a few days to post up my weeks menu.

In other news,we will be heading down to London again on 1st September to lodge our visa application.We have been reading on immigration forums that straightforward ones like ours can take as little as a week! EEK! We could possibly be home by November!!!!!

It's definitely time to move on.Glasgow and I have had a real roller-coaster relationship over the past 7 years,not to mention the 5 stone weight gain.I adore Scotland itself but Glasgow I can take or leave.We've both reached as far as we can go in our prospective careers,in fact I've gone backwards down the career ladder.

I'm tired of 4 day summers and endless winters.I'm basically ready to go back home to the sun and surf,relaxed way of life and working to live,not living to work.Fate called me here and gave me my Scotsman,now it's time for the next chapter in our lives.Fingers X'd......I really don't know what we will do if we don't get this visa!!!!!

Shite,shite,shite!!!!

I've been totally shit.I've been eating out too much - with the Scotsman who can eat 99 PP (yes,seriously!We tracked and that's his typical day!!!!!) and NEVER.GAIN.WEIGHT.He's been 9 stone or so since he was 16.Bitch!

I've not been to the gym at all and as such my stress levels have been through the roof.Then as the vicious cycle goes,I then eat my feelings.

For those that don't know or are wondering,I am a support worker with children and adults with learning disabilities,primarily and challenging,violent behaviour.Hence why I have to be sooooooo careful as to what I say on here in regards to work.

But here's a little scenario,today I had a wee girl in the park who managed to grab onto my hair,while I was trying to prise her hand off she grabbed with the other and managed to get me on the ground struggling for a few minutes.This wee girl has the strength of an ox!

And that's a typical incident in a typical day.I'm constantly coming home with new scars and bruises and my loved ones want me to quit.However,as we all know,it's pretty damn hard out there job wise!

And the next question usually is why do you do it? Well,I've been asking myself that more and more lately.But the good days make all the bad worth it.Simple as that.I know I'm good at my job and I'm making wee breakthroughs which makes it all worth while.

However,I have finally got the balls to ask my boss to cut my hours to 4 days a week with the option of overtime.Financially I'll just have to make do,but for now my health and mental well being come first.

Sooooo,I'm hoping that this will then reflect on the weight loss.I'll be able to get to the gym more - no excuses of being too tired and emotionally drained.And I'll cook more as I'll have the time.

Now,I feel as though I am constantly failing at this and that's not conducive to good reading.I will take a wee week or 2 off this blog to get back on track,get back into exercise and,well,until I can finally post a consecutive 2 week loss!

In the meantime,please check out this and this post from the lovely Linzerello.So much of what

she's said in both posts totally resonates with me.

See you in a fortnight!!!! xox