I got my September rota today and for the first time in a year I have looked at it without feeling dread,horror or a lurch in my stomach.My pay is inevitably going to suffer but I am so less stressed about work I don't care,I will just make do.
I will have more time for cooking and baking (on a budget),the gym and general 'me' time.
Inevitably one stress replaces another and I have been an absolute mess of nerves about the whole visa application,moving back to Sydney after SEVEN YEARS in Glasgow (7 1/2 in total away from home),having to live with the parents till we find our own place,finding jobs,starting from scratch,trying to organise a wedding from the other side of the world and with 7 months to go.And on top of all that my wee sister isn't talking to my mum and the parentals are exacerbating my stress levels.I'm thirty-fucking-one FFS! Yet they can still make me feel like a kid that doesn't know what I'm doing in the big,bad world.Helllllooooooooo!I've managed nearly 8 years on my own,I'm sure moving back to my HOME TOWN won't be that big a deal!
Mentally I'm not here anymore.I mean,my hearts not in it anymore.I'm ready to go home and in some ways I am already emotionally over there.My room is a shambles coz I just don't give a shit anymore,I know it's all going to get packed in boxes soon.And I just keep thinking in terms of Kiama/Sydney if that makes sense.
On the other hand,I'd always thought I would be racing to the airport as quick as my legs would take me,without a second glance but I'm beginning to realise I really will miss this place despite the total roller coaster ride my time here has been.
Anyways,I've rambled on enough for a a Friday night.Off to contemplate all these things taht are whirling about in my head.