I must be completely honest with you............

It's been a horrendous few weeks,in every aspect.Gained 2 pounds,work stress,been too skint to even afford to go swimming,weather and work schedule (55 hours in 4 days! 10 days in a row.) has thwarted walking plans.The Scotsman hasn't been his usual sunny self and has been really down about work (he's a manager).Cue lot's of 'fcuk it' emotional and erratic eating.

I hit a slump and I hit it hard.

But! Things are looking up.The Scotsman had a meeting with his manager and things are a lot better with him.We are,shock - horror,seeing each other more than once a week.Work has calmed down and and evil bad apple is being shown the door,which should mean a lovely,harmonious team again.Pay day has come which equals swimming and...........the Scotsman and i have booked a week away in Portugal for the first week of May :D

Unfortunately I can't do anything about this Scottish weather.spring and it's snowing! WTF????

Line drawn__________________________

Watch this space!

This is gonna hurt in the morning.

2 lb's off!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't believe it!

Yesterday,30 min walk,30 minute swim.

Today 1 HOUR swim (mostly freestyle,what the ?!?!?!?) 1 HOUR walk!

Stoked but legs and arms like jelly.This is gonna be a sore one tommorrow.

xx

Cute shoe alert!!!!!

How cute are these shoes?!?!?!?

And these?

And this pencil skirt??? It would totally go with the blue platform shoes.

HUGE mistake checking out very.co.uk.Methinks my Mon. night job money is going to get these.

First day yesterday back on track totally after a month or so of ups and downs.Wrote down everything I ate (still not pointing but just trying to make wise decisions and roughly stay around the 28 point mark.Makes no sense I know,but it works for me not being totally rigid with points.) and am totally dismayed to discover that Muller Rice are 3 points.Is this right?!?!?!?!?

It's WI day today and I don't hold out much hope for a loss or even STS but however it's a new week finally feeling motivated and in control.

After a lovely sleep,I am off for a swim and hopefully a walk if the weather holds up.If not a double swim then.Split shift tommorrow with a 3 hour break so another swim is the logical time waster.Eats all planned for the next 2 days.Back on track babeeeeee!

Thank you readers :)

Just a wee post to say THANK YOU,THANK YOU,THANK YOU to everyone who takes the time out to read my incessant ramblings.And especially for those of you who take the time to comment.I really do appreciate all of you.I've got quite a few comments to catch up on,so I thought I would just reply in a post.

Rapunzel - the post mortem of my night gets better.Apparently I told one of my bosses I think she swings both ways and wouldn't accept she didn't,I also got knocked back from a club called Maggie May's which is a very hard thing to do.They accept any old steamers (drunkards) and a taxi driver refused to take me home.The shame.We totally would get up to some fun,mischievous shenanigans if we ever met up.Who knows?I am soooooo utterly green with envy about your pirate adventures by the way.You have such awesome adventures :)

Emma - I LOVE your blog.Always a pleasure to read your posts.You've inspired me to try and learn basic dressmaking.

Missy B - Good luck with your mini goal.What tattoo are you thinking of getting? I once read that if you want a tattoo,you should hang the design up somewhere you will see it everyday for a month.If you still like it by the end of the month,go for it.In hindsight I wish I'd done that.Not that I regret any of mine but I maybe would have gotten them in not such prominent places.Loving your blog too Missy.

And all the lovely Ladies who commented on the Louboutin post.Thank you,all feelings of guilt have been eradicated and I can not wait to hit goal and be strutting around showing off those red soles.I'm thinking either the patent round toe platform or the patent or black leather peep toe heels.

The Goal Posts Have Changed Slightly.....

I've now set myself a sort of short term goal of getting to a UK size 16/US size 12.I'll see how I fit in my 16 leopard print and cherry dresses and how fit and healthy I am,and then decide from there whether I am happy or whether I want to lose more..............more importantly whether I am able to walk in heels! ;P

Every time I picture the 'dream me' in my head,it's me as a 40's style Rubenesque glamour puss.Pencil skirt,killer heels,red lips and big boobs and big ass.I will never have small boobs.As a slim 12 year old I was wearing a C cup! My flatmate also recently installed a pole in our living room and every time I look at it I picture myself shimmying around it for the Scotsman in a corset and french knickers much like this.........
Isn't she gorgeous? I honestly would be happy at that size.I think she's about a 16

I've been thinking about it a lot lately and while trawling cyber space have gotten inspiration from some heavenly voluptuous beauties such as:

Kersosene Deluxe.An absolutely stunning alternative pin up with killer curves.I love this particular photo of her in a corset.How gorgeous.And that's her in the above photo.

Crystal Renn. Divine,divine,divine!!!!

The girls from the Bravissimo ads.

As well as this fab post by Danielle at Without Compulsion.I really urge you to read this.Every single word she wrote resonated with me.Especially the bit she wrote about feeling sexy in her own skin rather than waiting around for the perfect body.

I think I've got the hourglass shape and killer curves to carry off a 16,and more importantly I adore being a curvaceous woman.All the women I lust after and admire and have dated (The Scotsman is my first heterosexual relationship but that's another blog post altogether) have been gorgeous,super feminine but super curvy girls.Why then am I putting pressure on myself to lose 100 lb's?

I must say,I feel lot of self inflicted pressure has been lifted since I made that mini goal.Of course I will still continue swimming and walking and eating healthily,but the pressure of that 100 lb loss is gone.I'll still keep the ticker up as a reminder of how much I'm losing,and who knows,maybe I do need to lose 100 lb's to reach a 16.I'm currently a 22 though,so I doubt it.

On another tangent.how ridiculously more pricey is it to eat healthily? As I mentioned before,I'm on a tight skint-flint budget and it's so hard to eat healthily.I have a farmfoods down the road and if I wanted to eat fatty processed shite,I could easily have spent £10 and gotten a weeks worth of meals.Ridiculous.

Oh,and I did an hours walk today :D

That whole not drinking thing?.............

Yeah,it didn't happen.I'm a total lush.Mention cocktails and I'm yours.

The Scotsman took me out for lunch on Friday arvo after work.We're only getting to see each other once a week at the moment due to both our shift patterns clashing,so the one day we get together we try to make a wee bit special.Food choices were good but then we decided to stop by one of our favourite bars,for 'just one wee drink'.Then we came home,stopped by Oddbins (I live on top pf that and an ice -cream parlour.Very dangerous combo!) for our usual bottle of Cava.Lo and behold I had actually tidied and organised my room and arranged my spirits into a nice little section with a beautiful shot glass and spirit holder I got from Cuba.whats this got to do with getting totally elegantly inebriated?...................

An Aussie,a Scot,flavoured Absolut,Cava and Lychee juice all arranged neatly = home made cocktails.Oh,and with a few Jaegermesiter shots thrown in for good measure.Separately of course.I'm not a total alchie ;P Rest assured we do do things other than drink.It just seems that,there is nothing else to do during the miserable Scottish winters......and even that is limited to once a week - it's just that when I do drink,I can't seem to limit myself to one or 2.Typical Aries,all or nothing.

Much fun and laughs ensued,but I sure paid for it this morning.Head throbbing and feeling nauseous.I am definitely starting to feel the effects of getting older - I used to be able to drink a sailor under the table and stay up all night and make it straight into work the next day.

So today with a head like fairy floss (candy floss for you non - Aussies out there) plans for a swim went out the window.To be honest,I think this whole month is going to be a bit up and down.I'm still adjusting to monthly pay and as a result am totally skint and unable to do a proper grocery shop till the end of the month.I am trying to budget for my swims though,but food wise,till then it's Linessa cereals,tuna mayo pittas,soups and cheap rice salads or whatever I can muster from what's on special at the supermarket.It's quite hard eating healthily on a budget.Ludicrous isn't it?I'm determined to try and do double the effort swimming tomorrow after work to make up for the last 2 days.No alcohol will pass my lips tonight.

The rest of the day has been spent recovering and baking.I very rarely get a Sat or Sun off,and I had the flat to myself (a rare luxury when flat sharing with 2 other people,who are lovely but I do adore my solitude occasionally) so I decided that coupled with my sore head a day off being totally leisurely was in order.And yes,baking for me is a relaxing pleasure.Especially now I got myself a faux Kitchen Aid by Cookworks.

The treats I baked were totally WW un-friendly but oh sooooooo gorgeous.First up were some Norwegian Cinnamon Buns courtesy of Not Quite Nigella.

I am totally scatter brained and a typical Aries,charging into things head first without first checking the consequences,both physically and metaphorically.I am constantly covered in bruises and breaking things,falling over or causing chaos.The Scotsman says I'm like a hurricane.He's not too far from the truth.

So,this time my scatter - braininess managed to get me to bake the wrong recipe! I was intending to in fact make cinnamon choc -chip hot cross buns as a test run for Easter,and some apple cinnamon scrolls from another website.I thought I was following the recipe for the hot X buns but it wasn't till I was a bout 3/4 of the way through I realised I was on the wrong one.i.e 'when exactly am I supposed to put the choc chips in?' Hmmmmmm,OHHHH,I'm reading the wrong recipe! DOH!

What a happy accident though - these scrolls are one of the best things I have EVER baked! They were like biting into soft,fluffy clouds and the apple and cinnamon compote I concocted were a heavenly combination.i don't think I will ever be able to buy them from the shops again.

If anyone wants the recipe please let me know and I will post it up here.Don't think I've totally fallen off the wagon though!I limited myself to one and the rest will be frozen for the occasional treat and distributed amongst friends and colleagues.I take inspiration from the Repressed Pastry Chef.This lady is doing WW and yet still manages to make beautiful baked goods and resist the temptation.She just distributes them around. Or Lorraine at NQN who has steamed vegetable for lunch so that she can indulge at dinner and dessert.Not such a bonkers idea.

I also have,proving under my heater,choc-chip-spiced hot X buns.i will post on here later as to how they turned out.And please excuse the really bad photography.Still camera-less.

**** Post blog note**** The Hot X Buns are a major success as well.Really fluffy and light.Little Easter balls of deliciousness.

Oh my freaking God....

Did anyone see Charlotte Church on Jonathan Ross last night?!?!?!?!?? How skinny is she?!?!?!? She is freakishly thin,unhealthily so.It just didn't suit her,and she has now become one of the lollipop brigade.Even the Scotsman noticed (and he never notices anything weight related) and was compelled to comment his shock.

While I understand there's a hell of a lot of pressure on famous women to be freakishly skinny,I am a little perturbed that a woman who was so outspoken about women looking healthy and normal,and loving her curves and never wanting to succumb to the pressures of size zero has since done so,adding to Leona Lewis,Kate Winslet,Khloe Kardashian,Jennifer Hudson etc. etc.

If these women were doing it for primarily health reasons,fair do's.But let's face it,none of them would have been over a UK size 10 (which is tiny!),with the exception of Ms Hudson,who was a divinely voluptuous 16.And sooooooo gorgeous at that size!

I just hope Holly Willoughby never succumbs to the size zero brigade.Those curves bring a smile to my face each morning.Go Ms. W!!!!!!

A few non weight related frivolities.........

45 minute swim and 20 minute walk completed before work yesterday.

Nothing today but housework,as I got about 4 hours sleep on my sleepover shift last night and was totally knackered.Saturday off and no friends to play with so a big walk and swim planned.Same with Sunday and WI Monday.

Now for something a little different,heres some awesome non - weight loss related websites that I waste many an hour checking in on....................

Not Quite Nigella - Super wow - inducing gastronomic website by a Sydney blogger.She writes so beautifully,has a penchant for kitsch and her food looks like works of art.

Hungry Digital Elf - Yas is a passionate Japanese foodie transplanted to Sydney who has many a midnight cooking session.What's not to love?

The Kitchen Wench - another Aussie foodie.She's totally pin up gorgeous and fabulously talented in the kitchen to boot.Total food p*rn photography.

Super Kawaii Mama - Is a super cute (Kawaii in Japanese) pin up fabulous mum of 2 who documents fashion,make up and hair.Totally amazing when she's got 2 kids to run after!

Violet is a very creative Lolita fashionista who does amazingly girlie things.like an false eyelash holder shaped like a cake,with the most ordinary of objects.Wow.

Emma is a transplanted Brit now residing in my hometown who shares my love of vintage,burlesque and cute 50's style dresses.

xox

Things that make me happy......

SUNSHINE!!!!! Its actually sunny in Glasgow,Spring is here :D Hopefully we'll get a super warm and sunny summer to make up for the coldest winter in 20 years.

My Scotsman :)))))))

Sister time with my gorgeous wee sis who has moved over here as well!

My best girlfriends back home.

Shoes - Louboutins and Irregular Choice

Baking and cooking.Especially baking though.

Macarons,especially from Laduree in Paris dahhhling.

Collectif dresses.Too cute and 40's/50's fabulous.

Swimming.I must've been a mermaid in another life.Plus I now feel a great sense of achievement when Ive completed my 45 mins in the leisure centre.

Mermaids.

The beach.I am such a waterbaby,I can't just lay on the beach like my mates sun - worshipping.I can swim for hours in the ocean.

Sydney.My home *sniff*

Travelling.

Tattoos - on me and other people.Although I do love that my scotsman has pure,unaltered,smooth skin.

Old classic films,especially if Bette Davis,Greta Garbo or Marilyn Monroe are starring.

Off now for my 30 minute walk and 45 minute swim :D Told you I was getting back on the wagon! xox

Oh Dear!

2 pounds on.

It couldve been worse I know,considering the week I've had.Oh well,hopefully the way my shifts work out till next weigh in day I should be able to fit in walks and swims.Half an hour walk and at least a 45 min swim x 5 = 9 hours of exercise (incl. weigh in day)

I'm determined to cook more - big bowls of tofu - ramen - crunchy veg soup (Recipe coming if its a success.I'm trying to emulate the totally awesome ramen dish I had at Bar Soba on Saturday night),some other tofu based dishes (buy one get one free at Morrisons hence the tofu overdose.Although I do totally LOVE that stuff!) and some other new recipes to try and stop the monotony that have become my eating habits.I REALLY WANT THOSE LOUBOUTINS!!!!!!!

Oh,and I must try and drink less this week.My poor liver.My poor dignity.

Christian Louboutin.............

Be still my beating heart.

I never really 'got' the whole designer lust thing.My sister and I went to Paris and did the ubiquitous jaunt down the Champs-Élysées.She literally spontaneously combusted from the excitement of all the designer boutiques,Chanel,Versace,Gucci etc.I however,very nearly exploded with excitement when we stumbled across Laduree and their infamous macarons.

I just don't get the appeal of spending an entire months wages on a bag,skirt,dress,etc.There is one exception however.Christian Louboutin shoes.

I may have mentioned before,but shoes are my thing.I have a slightly obsessive Ebay - Irregular Choice shoe habit (The BEST non - designer shoes EVER),most of which I can't walk in now as I am too damn heavy,but that still doesn't stop me from buying them for the day I get to goal.

Jimmy Choos,Manolo Blahnik etc. I can take or leave.I still would choose Irregular Choice's kitsch and quirkiness over them.But Louboutins...........Oh my God,they are sex in shoe form!

So,a few weeks ago I had a lovely girlie afternoon with my sister,lunch,high tea,window shopping,the works.While sipping our mochas in Princess Square (which is a little bit of glamour in grey and dreary Glasgow) we were chatting about our respective weight loss goals and travel plans and our dream outfits for turning up at the airport in December when our parents come over. This then turned into talk about our dream item of clothing if money was no object.

For my wee sister it's a Chloe bag,for me,of course,you know what they are.Anyways,after some chatting my wee sister somehow has convinced me that a pair of Louboutins should be my weight loss goal reward. I know,I know,it's totally sickening and against my ethics to spend 2 weeks,possibly a whole months pay on a pair of shoes,but here is our combined reasoning.............

* I have about 100lb's to lose.At a pound or 2 a week,this works out at just putting away £5 - £10 per week.
* It's probably the only designer thing I will ever own in my whole,entire life. * I'll pick something classic that will be timeless and hopefully last for years.
* Weight loss is a damn hard thing to do,especially shifting this amount of weight.Hell,I deserve these.

Soooooo,that is my new reward and new inspiration to add to the long list of reasons and motivations to lose weight.In the meantime,here are a few of the lush heels in my collection......

another 50/50 week.

WI tomorrow,really need to stay focused and on track this week.

Again this week has been 50/50.My eats have been mostly good,however had a total bender of a night on Thursday.Only had a chicken,salad,cheese baguette and copious amounts of alcohol which culminated in my flatmate finding me decked out in the hallway in just my knickers and me having hardly any recollection of the nights events.Bette Davis would've been proud.

Another date night with the Scotsman last night - he's such an angel.Spoilt me rotten with luscious cocktails at my favourite bar,and I think my choice of meal was OK.A ramen dish with loads of fresh veg.However later that night after a few more homemade cocktails and a few smokes the munchies kicked in and a pizza and chips was ordered.

No exercise this week.Very bad.Best laid plans and all that.I think this week I won't plan so far ahead as it seems to jinx me.Good news is though,that I am still missing my swims and walks.

Oh,and I bought yet another super cute Collectif dress on Ebay.Leopard print.1940's style.Fab!

So the verdict is..............

Last week was a pound on.I wasn't too bothered as I knew I had done loads of exercise that week - 4.5 hours and I had a few nights out and a take away night at work when I forgot to take in my own dinner.

This week was a disaster.OK,maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic.No exercise this week,lots of double shifts and 2 sleepovers,plus sleet and snow and ice which would've made walking treacherous.However I hardly got a minute to sit down at work,and was always on the go,fingers were crossed that would burn off some calories.

A few bad days of eating - my first full time wage since December,coupled with a first day off since Dec. 31st with the Scotsman equaled a decadent night out.Lots of cocktails,gorgeously,velvety smooth pate for entree,a royally approved Scottish steak (Castle of Mey) and I did make a better choice of poached pear for dessert instead of a chocolate fudge cake,and more cocktails in the Merchant City.Yes,we do live the high life when we can.We try for an indulgent date night at least once a month.

Overall I'd say that I ate well 50% of the time,coupled with no exercise I was dreading weigh in this week.So I am very amazed and surprised to say that this week I've lost........ 2 pounds!!!!!

I am now in the 18 stone bracket (just),muchos inspiration to get back into the swimming and walking,especially as Spring is here and the sun is shining upon Glasgow.I'd very nearly forgotten what it looked like!

And after a lovely Sunday afternoon spent window shopping with my wee sister,I now have a new reward/inspiration to get to goal..............but that entails a whole new post on it's own.........