All work and no play makes for one Flamin' Galah!

Not much to report on the pin up girl front.Still managing a chocolate free zone.Eating has been OK....I think.Work has been pretty crazy and I've not had time to write down what I've been eating on shift.By the time I get home,my brains pretty much mush,but it has mostly been good,healthy choices.

Today I was that flat chat busy I didn't actually manage to eat anything till I got home at 2:30pm.Not even a wee nibble of toast or a bite of an apple.I really need to curtail this,as it's happening far too frequently.Pretty ironic that as support workers we make sure we give the utmost care to our clients,yet manage to neglect ourselves so disgustingly.It's starting to impact on our morale :( And yeah,i pretty much do a nurses job on a support workers wage,hence the picture.

So many of my co-workers are nursing various ailments and yet still coming into work and soldiering on as we are so short staffed.I still can't shift this cough which is wreaking havoc on my poor asthmatic lungs and in turn impacting on my exercise.It's a vicious cycle - I need to exercise to improve my lung capacity and health to fight off this bug,but I can't manage more than 10 minutes at a time without keeling over and needing 10 puffs of my inhaler.i need to rest and let my body recover and get a decent nights sleep,but work is getting in the way of that.No other walk managed this week except for a wee 20 minute jaunt around the local shops.

Oh well,I'll get there.I'm hoping the physical side of my job is maybe making up for the lack of exercise.Don't know what to expect on the scales,but I'd be happy with just a pound - 4 would be a dream.That will be my first stone off!

Haven't seen the Scotsman for nearly 2 weeks due to shift clashes,which makes for an unhappy camper.This is the second longest time we've ever been apart.As much as I cling on to my feminist ideals,at heart I'm a total sap.It will all be worth it though,as we're off to Venice,and possibly Rome in May for my 30th. Something to both kick my ass into gear and look forward to.And help me not go insane in the next few weeks at work ;P

Toxic friends as motivational tools and a 40 minute walk.

I hate to sound big headed,but I think I'm a pretty awesome,loyal friend.I'll stay up with you till 3AM for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen,even when I have to start at 7 the next morning.I'll keep secrets that would shock Jeremy Kyle (yes I have and yes,it was that heavy!)I'll stick by you when everyone else has given up on you (an alcoholic friend).I'll be your staunchest defender and your loudest cheer squad.

As I've said,my 3 best friends I have known for 19 years and 13 years.So I take friendship pretty damn seriously.That's why I feel so awful that I am actually using a 'friend' as a motivational tool.

Let me explain,after 3 years of one sided friendship,I've recently fell out with a so called friend.The signs were there from the beginning that this wasn't a friendship worth investing in,but I didn't listen to my gut.

I met this girl through my flatmate,who she so happened to be head over heels in love with.She would hang about our flat like a fly around shite and use seeing me as a pretense for the hope of bumping into him (I later found out).As soon as he moved back to his native South Africa,I saw her half as much - in fact even less so.

You'd think I would've figured it out by now? No! This woman is one of the most neurotic,dramatic (and I have drama queen tendencies,but I do know where to draw the line),ego - centric people you ever will meet.Friendship with her is hard work.And I've now found out I'm not the only one who thinks this.Oh,and she's an actress.Professionally trained and for a living.But not just professionally,you never really knew if she was acting in real life or not,whether her tears were crocodiles or real.

Everything in her life is everyone else's fault,she never takes any responsibility for her actions.She will constantly let you down and cancel plans at the last minute,going so far as not answering her phone and making up lame excuses when plans have been made and she doesn't show. It can be weeks on end,months even without her answering any texts or calls,yet God forbid if you dare not answer her calls or texts - you will get constant texts and phone calls till you finally answer.Texts of a very sarcastic and bitchy nature.Chronically single and chronically bitchy about my relationship,and any other girl who dared to go out with the affore mentioned flatmate.

After 3 years of the constant effort on my behalf and constant let downs on her side,things came to a head after yet another let down in plans and another bitchy text and we fell out.Surprisingly for a fiery Arien as myself,I kept my cool and no nasty words were exchanged from my side.

I actually felt a great weight lifted off my shoulders,that I wouldn't have to be dealing with this toxic 'friend' anymore.Why put up with it for 3 years? I don't know,I guess I just see the good side of people.Enough was enough however.Friendship shouldn't be hard work.Sure,you do have to put some effort in,from both sides,but it should never be hard work.

Sooooo,as to my dilemma.This woman is a few pounds lighter than me.We are built quite differently though and have extremely different styles of dress.Is it totally wrong and bitchy of me to use her as one of my motivational tools to lose weight? Like,don't get mad,get fabulous and rub it her face?!?!?!? LOL.OK,maybe not that harsh,but I couldn't help thinking as I was on my walk today,how utterly divine it would feel to bump into her again and be much lighter than I am now.

I am a total woman's woman and hate to see how we bitch and back stab each other.In fat I refuse to buy heat and star and all those other trash mags for the relentless bitching and scrutiny of women's lives and bodies.Yet here I am using another woman as a yardstick of such for my weight loss.I know we all have 'frenemies' (I hate that word) in our lives but do you use them as a wee bit of motivation? Am I a terrible person????

On a less bitchy note,I took the first step to the 5K today.I walked halfway home from work today,2 miles in 40 mins in the mist and cold.OK,I was maybe a bit ambitious,with my chest still a wee bit tight and congested,hence the slow pace and halfway mark,but it's a start.I'll try and attempt the 2 miles again on the Saturday and Sunday.....unless the forecast snow thwarts my plans!

Hold up! The scales say WHAT?!?!??!??

I toddled on down to Boots today for my weekly weigh in,hoping for a 1 or 2 lb loss,and also to hopefully not bump into my boss,as she just lives down the street and I called in sick for today.Hopped on the scales,and imagine my shock when the scales reported a 4 POUND LOSS!!!!! 4 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!! That's 8 lb's in 3 weeks!!!!!

I actually jumped off and weighed myself again as I couldn't quite believe it.I know a lot of it's probably due to being ill,but I've also had 2 decadent dinner's out this week - starters and mains (birthday dinners for my wee sister) and next to no exercise,besides all the manual handling we do at work and a half an hour walk.

I'm stoked!!!!! I know this sort of weight loss won't continue,hell,I'm happy with a pound or 2 a week,but it's just a great boost mentally and like the Scotsman says,'That's even without exercise!'

I'm feeling a lot better - thank you so much for everyones good wishes.Still quite chesty though,so exercise is a no go for the next few days,but I'm hoping to get back into my DVD's by the weekend or so.I'm really itching to exercise,as while I'm happy with my eating habits being under control,I really want,no,need to get my fitness and asthma improved.

Oh,and I've managed to sucker my sister into walking the Glasgow 5K Race For Life with me in June.it will give me something to aim for,and kick my booty into walking to and from work and around the gorgeous and huge park I have on my doorstep.I've always wanted to do this,for both emotional and physical reasons,but never had the guts,fitness or company to do it.Who knows,by next years I may actually be able to jog it?!?!

Not one,but TWO blog awards :D

Wow,what a lovely surprise that when reading other wonderful blogs that I follow,I found I had been awarded 2 blog awards :D Thank you very,very much Rapunzel and Jaframity xoxoxo

The first one comes from fellow pin up aficionado and all round fabulous lady,Rapunzel at In Pursuit of My Inner Pin Up You really must check her out. This award is "HAPPY 101", the instructions are...........

1. Copy the image and display it on your blog.
2.List 10 things that make you happy.
3. Try to do at least one of them today.
4. Pass on the award to 10 bloggers who brighten your day.

10 things that make me happy (and I've been deliberate to choose non weight related ones)

1. Spending time with the Scotsman,as our days off together are few and far between

2. Relly bashes (Aussie slang for family get togethers,usually around a BBQ,sometimes at the beach always including a huge number of extended family/friends,as most of us are immigrants with no other immediate family in Oz)

3. The beach.Walking along,sitting and reading in the sun,swimming for hours,sitting on the sand chatting with friends and righting the wrongs of the world while the sun sets and the waves crash.Whatever I'm doing,if it's by a beach I'm guaranteed happiness.

4. Strapping on my backpack and travelling.25 countries so far - mostly in my early 20's.I much prefer roughing it to posh hotels.Hostels,villages,eating from street stalls,off the beaten track.That's my kinda thing.

5. My 3 oldest and bestest girlfriends back home - two I've known for 19 years,and one I met at Uni 13 years ago.We've got so many shared memories,so many shared secrets and dreams and just fabulous times spent together.Miss you ladies!!!!!!

6. Cooking and baking.I find it relaxing and therapeutic.plus it's in the genes - Dad's a chef.

7. Old classic films.How to Marry a millionaire,An Affair to Remember,Some Like it Hot,Now Voyager,Gentlemen Prefer Blonde's,Queen Christina,Camille,West Side Story etc. etc. The glamour and glitz,hopelessly cheesy romance (I'm an old fashioned romantic at heart),over the top musical numbers and of course,FABULOUS fashion always makes me smile.

8. The thought of going back home in 2 years to our dream life It's all that gets me through these freezing,flu-filled,Scottish winters.........and so called 'summers'.

9. David Attenborough documentaries (I'm a secret geek at heart.I could watch his programs for hours on end)

10. Second hand bookshops.I could spend a whole day trawling through the shelves.The more chaotic and eccentric the shop,the better.I enjoy a trashy chick-lit novel as much as I do a 'serious' non - fiction.I can't understand people who don't like to read and better themselves.

Now,10 bloggers who brighten my day.......

1. Not Quite Nigella Non WW related,in fact probably one to stay away from if you're feeling hungry,but please check her out when you have a full belly.Words can't convey how beautiful this blog is and how happy it makes me.I check her religiously every morning.

2. Alice at The Big Deal So many posts I can relate to,but her blog seems to have gone AWOL.Come back Alice!

3. Rapunzel my fellow pin up and corset lover.Gorgeous lady and a gorgeous blog.

4. Sophie,wonderfully honest posts.Just a great blog all round.

5. Jaframity at shrinking thinking sooooooo inspirational,check out her photos she looks AMAZING.

6. Emma,fabulous pin up girl living a vintage life in my hometown of Sydney

7. Tully at you would be pretty if......... Another great Aussie blogger who is doing inspirationally well and writes witty long posts to boot.

8. Marshmallow A very amusing kiwi lady who writes such wonderfully funny and honest posts about her weight loss journey.

9. Phil has already lost nearly 100lb's!!!!!! 'Nuff said.Check him out!

10. Mo at I'm a Fierce Fat Filipina Diva Who can resist a blog with a name like that?

The next award is from Jaframity at Shrinking Thinking.

Instructions with this are 7 things to know about me.............. 1. I have a totally weird and irrational phobia of worms and caterpillars.I'm talking serious case of the sweats and heart palpitations.Don't ask me why,but I totally FREAK OUT at the sight of them - even if it's just a photo or on one of my beloved D.Attenborough DVD's.in fact I'm feeling slightly nauseous just writing about it.

2. I know it's ethically wrong but I adore fois gras,veal,caviar and lamb.i like to think that I live my life as ethically as I possibly can but I just cannot resist the lure of a good lamb cutlet or a velvety slice of fois gras.

3. I think High School Musical is legendary.There,I've said it out loud.I even own all 3 DVD's and the dance along bonus disk forms part of my exercise routine.I know it officially crosses the line from kitsch to just plain cheese - and not in a good way,but I can't hide my dirty secret any longer ;P

4. I harbour secret desires of being the female equivalent of Slash,rocking it out on a stage to ten's of thousands of adoring fans.Whenever November Rain plays,I imagine it was me on stage playing that kick ass guitar solo.I think that was possibly the best riff ever composed in history!

5. I was painfully shy as a child.My Scotsman can't believe it,but I only really blossomed into the outgoing social butterfly I am now when I left high school.I would go to parties as a kid and bring a book along so I could sit in a corner and read instead of socialising with the other kids,to mum and dad's frustration.Of course,the more they would push me to be social and interact the more I would retreat into my shell.Now of course I can't shut up!

6. I never really got the whole 'Sex and the City' thing.To me it was just a bunch of whiny,needy women in (mostly) fabulous clothes,living in New York who felt they needed a man to make them complete.I felt it was just the whole fairy tale - princess needs a man to rescue her crap transplanted into New York.

7. I feel naked if I leave the house without a flower in my hair (except when I'm working - nothing nice to be worn when you're a support worker) When I worked in retail it was my trademark.The customers would notice - even the men,if I'd forgotten my flower.it's partly the Indonesian in me and partly just trying to my life in Scotland less drab.

OK,this is just getting ridiculous now!

Hate to sound like a moaning myrtle,but I seem to be getting worse not any better.Hardly slept in the last 3 days due to the constant coughing and congestion.I don't think I'm doing myself any favours by continually working crazy shifts and doing sleepover shift upon sleepover.i actually think I'll call in sick Tuesday just to give my body an extra day to rest and recover.

On a more positive note,weigh in Tuesday was a huge surprise.2 lb's which means 4 lb's in 2 weeks.Quite chuffed with that,hope I can keep this rate up each week.

Here's a wee quote which I love and always thought was attributed to Nelson Mandela but just found out was actually written by a self-help guru...................

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God/Goddess/Allah/Buddha/insert your higher power here. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God/Goddess/Allah/Buddha/insert your higher power here,that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I'm going to leave it at that as my brain is fuzz and just not working to it's full potential,or that could be all the over the counter meds I've imbibed to try and feel semi human again.

Epiphany #2

Ugh! While mentally I feel totally positive,physically I feel even worse,coughing my lungs up and generally feel like shite.7 days in a row,I don't have a day off till Thursday.As I'm not permanent yet,if I don't work I don't get paid.Bleuch!

All good plans,physically/exercise wise,have gone awry again.I'm mentally preparing myself for a gain or staying the same as the last few days have looked like this...........

Fri 8-2 shift

B:Punnet of blueberries and Special K berry bliss with S.Skim milk

L:Out for a surprise lunch from the Scotsman Tomato and mozzarella salad with balsamic glaze Small steak with pepper sauce and small portion chips

D:Grapes and packet of 'Pom Bears' cheese and onion crisps.

Sat:1-9 shift

B/L: Special K berry bliss with S.skim. Punnet blueberries

D: Chinese take away night chosen by the clients. Small serving rice,mushroom and chicken in creamy wine sauce (I know,bad choice!)
A few chips. Grapes

I know it's sooooooo bad to skip meals and it wasn't even a deliberate ploy to claw back points.I just wasn't hungry after the steak lunch,and yesterday I got up late so ate b'fast at work about 2pm and then dinner was at 5pm.

I could be OK,with the one 45 minute exercise session I did and little food/points intake but then again I might not be.Oh well,to be honest I'm not that upset,because I know that these last few weeks I have really stuck to healthy eating and changing my habits which will lead to long term changes in weight.Nearly 3 weeks with no chocolate (well,that one tiny strawberry cream) or cola or fizzy drinks!

The Scotsman and friends noticed that this time round I've not been so militant and emotional about my eating.In past attempts if I'd gone out and had the steak lunch and work take away,and get all depressed and angry and mentally beat myself up and think fcuk it,and use it as a license to eat badly for the rest of the week.Or even the next few months as all motivation would be lost and I would think that i was a failure not able to stick at anything.

*This is the first time that I've actually stuck to this for 3 consecutive weeks and not gone off the wagon.Not long I know,but a big personal achievement.
*I've been enthusiastic about eating healthily and actually WANTED to eat healthily,instead of it feeling like a chore and something I had to do.
*This is the first time I've actually looked forward to exercise!!!!! I know it's only been 3 weeks,but i can see a total different mind frame in myself from all those other attempts.

Yes,I've had an epiphany of sorts.In my numerous attempts over the last 6 years on WW,I've never really felt confident that I would do this.You may see from previous posts,in fact one just a few weeks ago,that I would focus so much on how much weight I could lose in X amount of time.And i would totally focus on cramming in as much weight loss in a short amount of time.

Well,I think it's all come from epiphany #1.I finally have focus and direction in my life.Hell,I have a life plan! :O And somehow this,coupled with turning 30 has led to this new focus.My mates can't understand it,but I'm looking forward to turning 30.I have a brilliant life to look forward to.All the confusion and shite and not knowing what I was doing with my life in my 20's is gone.And even though it's not 2 years till we get to Oz,i will use these 2 years to focus on getting healthy and fit so that I can enjoy my beach lifestyle.

Instead of aiming to lose 8 stone in a year,I'm gonna take the pressure off myself and give myself the whole 2 years and focus on one bad habit at a time.It seems to have worked in relation to points (I am no longer following points but just using them as a rough guideline) so hopefully it will work in regards to the weight.

Good luck to everyone else.Will post weigh in results tomorrow.xox

My life is starting to run like an episode of Friends.............

The older i get the more and more my life is beginning to parallel Friends.I was never a big fan of the show when it was in it's hey day,it was too racially homogeneous (much like Home and Away and Neighbours actually,total mis-representation of multi-racial Australia) and I found the characters too annoying.Especially Ross and Joey.

However,as I start hitting the 3-0's,I'm sadly beginning to relate.The episode where Ross and Rachel are fighting and the others are trapped in the bedroom ravenously hungry? Yep,happened to me.4 of us trapped inside the living room while a MASSIVE blue was happening in my flatmates room and the hallway,between her and her boyfriend,including lot's of door slamming and throwing up of old grievances at 100 decibels.........too much information at 100 decibels.

The totally anally-obsessive-compulsive neat freak Monica? Ironically I lived with a girl like that.She too was American and was called Monica.She actually once left a note under a teaspoon that my other flatmate had left on the kitchen counter top,saying please tidy up after yourself or something like that.We also once came home to find notes on every surface of every room instructing us on the art of cleanliness.Oh and she also went to Barbados and got those funny braid things in her hair.Freaky.

The one where Rachel fancies Joey and vice versa but they can't do anything because they're best mates and don't want to ruin the friendship,and the whole psychological torture that went along with that and seeing each other date other people.Yep,me and the Scotsman for the first 2 years after we met and then eventually got together.

The whole Monica and Chandler hiding their relationship? The Scotsman and I,but for very different reasons - he was my boss! ;P

But finally the one where Chandler divulges to Monica the future he has dreamt for them after she wants to spend all his savings on their wedding?...........

The Scotsman and I were sitting about,talking to the wee hours when he confessed to me that he doesn't fancy the idea of moving to Sydney.He's lived in Glasgow all his life,and this is coming up to my 6th year living here,and we both live just a hop skip and a jump away from the city centre (coming from Australia,I find Glasgow quite small,so it was quite a novelty at first to live so close to the town).

So it's been 35 years and 6 years of city living for us respectively (In Sydney you have to be a millionaire to live as close to the city as we do in Glasgow) He told me that he dreams about us living in a wee town outside of Sydney,not too far,about and hour or 2 so that I'm not too far from friends and family and vice versa.A 2 bedroom house,by the beach,the spare room for friends and family.A nice backyard for a Great Dane.....I want to get a brown one and call her Coco Muffin,but I was vetoed so the compromise is Coco.

'Can you imagine it? You and me,home after work and going for a walk along the beach watching the sunset with our dog' he said (she was at that point un-named.) And yes,I totally could! The more and more I thought about it,the more and more I warmed to the idea,to the point now I just can't imagine doing anything else.And I know exactly the wee beach side town I want to live in - Kiama ideally but anywhere along the south coast is just lush.

I've lived in Sydney for 24 years.I freaking LOVE Sydney,but I'm tired of city living.I want a beach side,chilled out existence.I don't need nightclubs that never shut,bars with lethal cocktails for £7 (OK,actually I do need a decent cocktail bar in my life to lead a happy existence),impossible parking with extortionate fees,traffic jams,commuter hell,paying through the nose for a 2 bedroom flat in the suburbs.That was fine in my 20's when I had the energy and the will but it doesn't hold the same appeal.

I think I have to face it.I'm becoming (eek!) MATURE! I want that quiet life,I want walks along the beach at sunset with Coco and the Scotsman.I want to have friends over for BBQ's.I want to spend my weekends at the beach,chilling.Sydney just doesn't hold that same appeal for me.And my friends are all settling down and leading quieter existences than you would believe looking at our previous incarnations ;P

And along with that realisation,comes another more weight loss centred epiphany.....but more on that in my next post.........................

Gonna get that rockabilly style back......

Long post coming tonight.In the meantime,here are some of those fab,1940's style,pin up rockabilly dresses that I WILL fit into dammit! Even if it takes me 2 years (more on that later)! The photos don't do them justice,please check out Collectif Clothing as that's where I bought most of these (well,cut price on Ebay of course ;P)

I've lamented before that I've lost my style since gaining weight.Like Lucci says on her fab blog,I now wear things that are flattering and suitable for my shape rather than what I actually like.This is a girl that used to wear coloured fishnets on a regular basis (I'm talking everyday wear,fuscia,electric blue,purple etc. but always classy dahling,never trashbag-like),corsets and pencil skirts for burlesque club nights,skirts full stop on a regular basis.

Well,that girl is gonna be back with a vengeance and here's some motivation for me get back to that pin up girl that used to get admiring glances walking down the street! ;)

Exercise,a dairy free existence and bonfire-rub-chicken awesomeness!

I'm stoked! Still feel shite-ish,all sinusy and chesty coughy,but managed to get the mojo to somehow get up and complete 45 minutes of exercise! 15 minutes of the Tahitian hip hop and 30 minutes of Aerobics Oz style belly dance.Was totally knackered by the end of it,but its a start.Remember this is a girl who gets puffed out walking up stairs.........and I used to be able to bushwalk for hours and would swim at the beach for countless lengths.What happened to that girl?

The Tahitian one was a bit of a let down,quite boring and repetitive to be frank,plus the instructors voice was so screechy.I definitely recommend ANY Aerobics Oz Style DVD's though.They're super,super cheap on Play.com at the mo and they are just fantastic. I remember the show used to be on every morning at the un-godly hour of 6:30AM,wayyyyyy back when I was wee,so it's a bit of an Aussie institution.

What I love though,is that there would always be one of the group doing the exercises at a modified rate/move,for those of us that weren't that fit or just starting out.So anybody can truly do these. (I'm not just plugging them coz they're Aussie! :P)

I've come to the conclusion that dairy doesn't seem to agree with me,and for my asthma's sake as well,I'm going to try and experiment with phasing dairy out.Back in my hippie,university days I experimented with vegetarianism and eventually veganism,but the vegan phase only lasted 2 weeks,until (according to my best friend) a drunken night ensued and the temptation of a Burger King was too much after a hards night pounding the best of Sydney's dance floors (and the clubs in Sydney just don't close,none of this 3am curfew BS.) Alas though,my clubbing days are long over :(

I would love to become vegetarian,but I'm afraid the carnivore in me just pulls too strongly.i don't however eat red meat that often,and want to try and limit my poultry to just 3 or less times a week,maybe 1 day of red meat,as I don't have enough iron and the rest I'll endeavour to be peace,love and mung bean days.

Still on track with the eating,although I did have one strawberry delight from a Milk Tray last night at girls night in,breaking the chocolate fast.My wee sister,Re,moved over here about 8 months ago.Its her first time living away from the parents and she's becoming quite the wee chef.Last night she made an amazing baked chicken,rubbed with 'bonfire rub' spices from Asda's extra special range.Sooooooo good,I had cravings for them today.Served with broccoli,green beans and mangetout and a creamy mushroom sauce (Re:'It's only single cream Steph,so it's not that bad for you')

All in all I don't think it was that high in points and hell,this is real life.I'm not going to be totally militant about what I put in my mouth when I'm enjoying a night out.I'll just be good the rest of the week.And I still am totally on - track with my eating -no Coke or fizzy drinks since New Year,just water and the odd juice (and wine :),and no chocolate other than that wee milk tray Strawberry Delight,but that's too tiny to count...............isn't it?????

I found a totally awesome 'Fresh Fruit and Desserts' cookbook in my local Oxfam which has an Apple Creme Caramel that looks absolutely divine and is only about 3 1/2 points for creamy French decadence.

I actually can't wait for this weather to let up so that I can start walking to work when I'm on the back shift and from when I'm on the earlies.On my last attempt,I walked to work 3 times (about an hour's walk) for 3 weeks and I managed to lose 4-6 lbs a week! Anyways,I'll stop blethering away,as this seems a bit dis-jointed and random. Hope everyone else is going well.xo

Can I just curl up in a corner and die a slow death?

Ugh! Feel ill! Eyes are watering,can't stop sniffling,coughing incessantly and just generally feel BLEUCH! Went to bed still battling this cough,but super motivated to do 2,yes 2 DVD's tomorrow - My WW Move More and the Tahitian hip Hop one which I'm super intrigued by.

Cue this morning,my first day off in like,10 days.Awoken by a leg cramp (never a good start),heavy pain,heavy pain,heavy pain! I got up to walk it off and was totally disoriented.I thought it was the middle of the night as the flat and my room was totally dark (I've been meaning to get black out curtains coz it's usually too light),but upon checking my phone it was 10am.I tried to get back to sleep,but I just lay there thinking I should really get up.

So,up I get and now I feel like utter shite.I just don't have the energy to do anything. I'm one of those people who just cannot lay in on a day off (unless the Scotsman is over,then I can just lay in bed all day cuddling).I just feel like I'm wasting a day of 'me time',which I just don't get that often.Soooooo disappointed as I was so motivated and determined,especially after yesterday's weigh in,which was a grand total of..................

2 lb/1kg.I must admit drama queen tendencies kicked in (first NY's resolution broken!) and I was a tad disappointed,as on my numerous attempts I usually lose loads in the first week,3,4 even 5 lb.The Scotsman came in with a voice of reason pointing out that..................

(a) I've only managed an hour of exercise this week (d*mn you cold weather and cough virus and asthma genes!)
(b) I've managed this just by changing a few eating habits.
(c) It's still a loss.

It's so stupid and illogical.A few months down the track and I'll be stoked if I manage to keep up that weight loss each week.I just had super high expectations because it's the first week and of course,because I had tried sooooooo hard to avoid chocolate for the first few days,which is like crack for me.

So,this week my goals are............

* Exercise more...hopefully daily,I'm on early shifts for the rest of the week,so hopefully if I can shake this awful ill feeling,I'll be exercising tomorrow.
* Write down everything that I eat,so I can analyse it at the end of the week if my weight loss is under 2 lb.I know I said this feeds into my neurotic tendencies,but for some reason writing down without pointing is OK.Must be,for me,the psychological connection between restriction and points.....my brain works in funny ways.........
* Eat more fresh veg and vary my fruit a bit more.This week it's just been apples,oranges and mandarins.
* Continue to try and live a chocolate free existence.

Lastly,thank you for all your lovely comments.It's nice to know people actually read this thing.Sometimes I forget and just tend to write as if I'm just writing for myself.

Sophie - we should totally have a WW meet up.Such a fab idea.I love your blog too,echoes so many of the thoughts in my head.I love the way you write.

Alice - it's shocking isn't it,not just the cost but the calories and general crap I would be putting in my body.As for the WW boards.WOAH,it's so childish and bitchy high school like behaviour,coming from adults on a forum that are meant to be supportive.And your blog is just so awesome,especially that last post,I just had to spread the word :)

Lucci - I've been obsessed with curvy pin up girls,the 40's and 50's and all the old classic films since I was wee.A gay uncle introduced me to the divine Ms Bette Davis and I have never looked back ;P Miss Monroe is my ultimate woman however.The pictures are many Vargas girls.He was a Peruvian artist who is probably the ultimate pin up artist.

Hope everyone else is going well.LOVE reading everyone elses blogs.I promise I will eventually get that bread recipe up,as well as a few more.xox

My oh my.

I wandered over to the lurk on the WW community 5+ stone message board for the first time in yonks.WOAH.So much bitching! Hopefully it all subsides soon,as I really find lurking on there helpful - reading everyones tips and stories and questions I had never thought of.I really must post on there more.

Not much to report here,been really good on the eating front,not so good on the exercise - still got this d*mn cough,still good on the chocolate and cola front - 12 days without chocolate and I don't even miss it.

Today is my first weigh in for the New Year.I'm super nervous,as even though I've been super good,this is the first time I've gone this alone,without pedantically tracking every single point and morsel that passes my mouth.And to be honest,it's totally working for me from a psychological sense.

My Scotsman has given up smoking,partly cost,partly health reasons,partly because of my asthma and partly because of my health kick (woo hoo! I never thought there would be a day when I inspired someone to be healthy).He tallied up what he was spending a week on ciggies and it was about £12 - £14.Then we tallied up what I spent on chocolate and coke at the wee shop down the stairs a week.....it turned out to be a horrifying £10 - £14 per week!!!!! On chocolate!!!!!!!!!!

Approx £2 per day on a chocolate bar,packet of crisps and a can or bottle of coke.Sometimes more,sometimes less.£14 x 52 weeks = £728.Crikey! That's a holiday abroad! Or even a car!

So,once February ends (I've just made the transition from weekly to monthly pay so it's going to be a horrendously tight 6 weeks.Any budget saving tips or cheap meal ideas greatly appreciated) we've vowed to put that money away each week and that will go towards our Australia fund or our Xmas in Germany this year.

I'm still absolutely flabbergasted that I was spending that much a week just on chocolate.I always felt disgusting making my daily trip to the same corner shop,where the guys know me.I always felt they must've been looking at me disgustedly when I came in (even though they are nothing but friendly)as the routine was always the same - to the fridge for the coke,to the crisp ailse and then the chocolates.But I never actually thought of the financial effect,and of course now I look back and think I was putting that crap into my body every day!

Oh well,I keep telling myself to keep looking forwards and not worry about all that. Hope everyone else is doing well,by the way,check out Alice's blog.She's just written a wonderful post which felt like she was literally pulling the thoughts out of my head.xox

Retsina's F-Word Grilled Greek Chicken

My father is a chef and I have inherited his passion for food (hence the weight gain as well).I remember as a child,and I mean a wee child,I would spend hours flicking through his amazing Chef's books (travel guides as well,I would borrow Lonely Planet Guides from the library and very well nearly read them cover to cover.) These were by far more complicated and glamorous than the standard cookbooks you would find at Borders.

I would be content in a corner flipping through pastry chef books,dreaming about being able to make petis fours as delicate and light as a feather and blancmanges delicately flavoured with exotic fruits that were described in great detail such as mangosteen and rambutans.

This passion continues today and I am subscribed to numerous food blogs and am happiest when in the kitchen feeding friends and family.Sooooo,of course I have been glued to this series of the F-word.

One recipe in particular caught my eye,by the Greek restaurant Retsina.And best of all it is totally low fat.The Scotsman requested I make this and he couldnt detect it was low fat,as there was no compromise on flavour............

Retsina's F-Word Grilled Greek Chook (serves 2)

1 red pepper
2 teaspoons minced garlic (I use the one in a jar)
1 teaspoon oregano
Juice of half lemon
1 small tub 0% fat Greek yogurt

1.Roast the red pepper under the grill till the skin blackens.
2.Peel the red pepper when cool.
3.Blitz everything in a food processor/blender till a smooth puree.
4.Marinate the chicken in 3/4 of the mixture at least a few hours,preferably overnight.
5.Grill and serve with the rest of the sauce.

We had ours with cucumber,fetta cheese,olives and low fat red pepper hommous on a tortilla wrap.Delish!

Spanish Butternut Squash and Sweet Potato Soup

Spanish Butternut Squash and Sweet Potato Soup

I freaking LOVE this soup and the afore mentioned Morroccan Carrot and Lentil soup.As a recent convert to soups (liquid lunches are just wrong unless Champagne is involved,dahhhling!)I like my soups thick and creamy and these soups fit the bill.Sorry,no photos for this one.

1 butternut squash,chopped and de-seeded (skin on or off,up to you)
1 large sweet potato
1 tablespoon smoked paprika
1 vegetable or chicken stock cube

1.Roast the BNS,sprinkled with the paprika,in the oven at appox 180 - 200 degrees till soft (about 10 mins)
2.While the BNS is roasting,chop and peel the sweet potato and boil till soft.
3.When the veg are ready,dissolve the stock cube in a medium pot and then add the veg and boil about 5 minutes.(You can add another teaspoon of paprika if you like it well flavoured)
4.Cool then whizz in the blender and enjoy!

*Another variation is to add a tablespoon or 2 of taco/nacho/fajita seasoning as well as the paprika.

Soup recipe and some random rambles.......

5 days on track :D I'd better have lost weight on Tues!!!!!!! I even managed to try the Pussycat dolls DVD.Soooooooooo much freaking fun! It requires a lot of co-ordination though (which I don't have.According to my sister being unco is 'embedded in my soul') so I hope the neighbours didn't get a fright.

Still no chocolate which is like my own personal Everest.I could practically inhale a crunchie in 10 seconds flat,chocolate fudge cake was the first thing I would look for on a menu. Eating is still on track,the only thing I could really be working on is the exercise,but one hurdle at a time.

As for the recipes............ Moroccan Carrot and Lentil Soup

5 carrots
1 cup red lentils
1 - 2 Tbs Morrocan seasoning (I prefer 2 for a super tasty,super spiced soup)
1 vegetable or chicken stock cube (whichever you prefer)

1.Bring a medium pot of water to the boil.Add the stock cube and stir until dissolved.
2.Add the lentils,bring to a boil and boil for about 10 mins.
3.Add the peeled and chopped carrots with the Moroccan seasoning.Turn the heat down and simmer the carrots and lentils another 10 - 15 mins,till the carrots and lentils are soft,and the lentils have basically turned to mush.
4.Let the soup cool and then whizz in a blender.Enjoy!

* This made loads to be frozen,and worked out to about 1/2 point per serve due to the lentils.
* Moroccan seasoning isn't 'hot-chilli' spicy,it just adds a nice flavour.You should be able to find it in an Asian shop or even better if you have a local Middle Eastern shop.

Uh-Oh

Weighed myself tyesterday.

Official starting weight,a disgusting 19 st 12 lb/126 kg.

Only 1 lb away from 20 stone!!!!!!!

Oh well,no point crying and getting depressed about it.Like the Scotsman said,before he flew out our 3rd floor window,I know how I got this big and I know what I need to do to change.Smug b*$tard.I know he means well,but sometimes I just wanna kick his 9 stone ass.He then went on to tell me how his brother in law and niece weighed themselves on the Wii fit and vowed to shift some pounds,but then his sister went on and was ecstatic because she'd put on weight and weighed a grand total of 8 stone 4 lb.B!tch! I can't even hate her because she is so darn lovely.Why couldn't I have been blessed with that metabolism?

The overall goal is to lose 8 stone/51 kg,which will get me to approx. 12 stone/75 kg and hopefully a lovely voluptuous,Monroesque hourglass size 14.I hope this is the last attempt.

April 13th (14 weeks) - Lose at least 1.5 - 2 stone/9.5 - 13kg

July 13th (13 weeks,total 27 wks) - Lose 1.5-2 stone/13 kg.Total loss 3.5 - 4 stone/25kg

Halloween (15 weeks,total 42 wks) - Lose 1.5-2 stone/13kg.Total loss 5 - 6 stone/38kg

Dec 21st - (7 wks,total 49 wks) - Lose 0.5 - 1 stone/3 -6kg.Total loss 5.5 - 7 stone/41-44kg

Don't know how this will pan out,but I think its pretty reasonable to aim for 1.5 stone in 14 weeks?

It's now my 6th day so far without chocolate.Sleepover shift today,so I am having a leisurely morning and made a huge bowl of rhubarb (0) and apple (1/2) compote with Greek yogurt (1/2 point,I only used a half pot of 0% fat) and 2 chopped up Brazil nuts (1).

Believe me this is HUGE,only 2 points and took me literally 10 minutes.

Whipped up a few batches of soup - Moroccan carrot and lentil,Spanish butternut squash and sweet potato and 3 loaves of bread.Recipes and photos will follow tomorrow afternoon.

So lunch will be: sandwich with tuna,light mayo and low fat cheese (7.5)

Dinner:Big bowl soup (1/2 p due to red lentils - didn't realise they were points!),2 small slices bread (3)

Snacks: 3 mandarins (1),2 x oranges (1),Homemade rhubarb and pistachio muffin (3.5),wotsits (1.5)

If my calculation's are correct that's about 20 points.Way under,but I'm only loosely using WW as a guideline and I just don't feel that hungry.Bit under the weather with a chesty cough,so I haven't been able to exercise yet as my lungs feel as they are going to collapse on me.I actually am gutted because I have the time and the flat to myself and am raring to go with the Pussycat Dolls DVD.

Time is flying so Im off to work.Good luk until tomorrow.xox

A workout that involves a feather boa and heels?!?!?!?!?!?.......

Can you shout out F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S whilst bending and snapping?!?!?!?!? Let me back track.A week or so ago,I was sitting around with my flatmate and friends when the ad for the Pussycat Dolls workout DVD came on.I HAD to have it,quicker than you can say 'hot like me' I was plugging in my lap top and ordering it online (I'm a kitsch bitch,what can I say?The depths of my cheese lovin' even has my queeny friends cringing) Well,today is the day that it finally arrived and I actually cannot wait to try it.Yes,my lovely Scotsman nearly keeled over when I said I was actually looking forward to exercising.I will report all when I get around to trying it out,hopefully tomorrow morning.I also have a very intriguing Island Girl Tahitian Hip Hop workout DVD that I must sample as well.

Still going well so far on the healthy eating front.3 days with no chocolate!!!!!!!!!!! Or Coca Cola! And this has been a subconscious thing,i just haven't been wanting it after switching my brain on to clean and healthy eating.

Today we had..........

Homemade buttermilk pancakes - 6 points - would've been lower,but I only had butter in the house,no low fat spread.

Sugar free jam - 1

2 x bread roll - 4

2 x wafer thin ham - 1

2 x low fat cheese slices - 4

Hellmans light mayo - 1

Wotsits -1 1/2

Orange - 1/2

2 x mandarins - 1

20 points

Tomorrow is the great soup and bread making bonanza.I have no camera because someone who shall remain unnamed (my wee sister - no name's mentioned,strictly speaking!) drunkenly broke mine but I will try and remember to take photos on the phone and post em all up here.Oh and of course,my official start weight weigh in.Eek!

In the meantime here's some food p*rn from a fabulous Sydney lass.I check this site every single day,religiously.She's amazing.

xox

Please don't judge me..........................

I had all good intentions of starting today on a fresh,healthy start.As everyone knows,the New Year doesn't officially start till January 2nd.The 1st is a recovery day from all the hedonistic decadence you try to cram in the night before for you know that in the new year everything will change and there will be no more chocolate and champers for breakfast,3 pm lie ins or ordering entire 10 inch pizzas each for girlie DVD-duvet days..............or is that just me?

I had planned,with the OH,to get up at a reasonable hour (we had both worked the early shift on NY Day after 3 hours sleep.8am start for me,9am for him),go to the farmers market,get some lovely fresh organic veg,have something healthy for brunch,go home and bake 'the best bread in the world' (recipe to follow in the next few days) and cook up a few batches of soup.

Instead,cue a 3pm wake up,monstrous post NY recovery and an Indian delivery.It's probably the only thing I'll eat all day though,so it hopefully won't do too much damage calorie wise.

I have however completed my online shopping and will be stocked up to the hilt on fruit,veg,healthy snacks and shed loads of Special K in all it's various fruity forms (I don't work for them or am affiliated with them in any way,but Asda are doing some amazing multi-save discounts on Special K,muesli bars,tuna and healthy stuff in general)

So,on the menu for this week will be tuna pasta salads,some form of rice salad,parsnip and apple soup,Moroccan butternut squash and sweet potato soup,some variation of carrot soup,all accompanied by various forms of sandwich made from the best homemade bread in the world.I really cannot convey just how good this bread is.I was nannying for a family that would eat nothing but this bread and always meant to ask for the recipe but was slightly apprehensive as it seemed to be some sort of closely guarded family secret. I happened upon the recipe one day when I was tidying up their cookbooks (OK,I admit,I was totally trawling the cookbooks,drooling over the photos alone - they had 'Gordon Ramsay's desserts' cookbook.It's like crack for foodies!) and I just can't eat any other bread.

And before I forget here are my resolutions.I may be old enough to know better but I just have to have a list every year.........
1.Learn how to ride a bike (yes,seriously)
2.Learn how to sew - properly.Dresses,skirts,blouses etc.
3.Cook and bake more (of course the baking shall be distributed amongst friends and family and neighbours.)
4.By July,be fit enough to either be doing Flamenco or Parkour
5.Be slim enough to be able to dress up as She Ra,Princess of Power for Halloween
6.Be slimmer than my sister for the first time in our lives.
7.Look at this list next year and know that I have achieved all of these.

I think there's a few more but I will have to write them up when my brains not so fuzzed up.

xox