FAB News!!!!!!!

I am still laptop-less,have indulged wayyyyyyyy too much over the festive season thus far,but I finally have some GOOD,albeit non weight related news to share.......

THE SCOTSMAN GOT HIS AUSTRALIAN VISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After all the stress,tears,angst,empty pockets and emotional binges we are finally on track to be going back to Sydney :))))))))))

BEST Xmas pressie EVER!!!!!!!!

So,I handed in my 4 week notice yesterday and we are looking at going home the first week of Feb,2012.

I can not tell you how unbelievably happy I am,the smile hasn't left my face and I have been on an absolute euphoric natural high since Weds.

Plus I haven't slept much at all in the last few days due to excitement.

As for the weight,I have a feeling it will slowly be falling off now........

Xox



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Computers hate me part deux

Aloha petals!

I have the blue screen of death again so blog posts will be short and sweet till pay day,when I can visit the laptop fix it man.

I have sooooo much to blog about but it will haveto wait till tomorrow.

Xox


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Saturday was our 5 year anniversary and the Scotsman was working 8:00 - 22:00,so we were meant to celebrate yesterday.Turned out to be a pretty fucking shit anniversary.

We should be at our happiest at the moment,making our Aussie plans and getting excited about going away and starting our new life together as husband and wife.

Instead the Scotsman is stressed out to the max and upset and in tears.Now,I have to tell you something......SCOTTISH MEN DO NOT CRY! 7 years I've known this man and I've only seen him cry twice.

It's his fcuking family,primarily his mother.Now,I'm not a mother,but I assumed that being a mother would entail supporting your children no matter what.Loving them no matter what.Supporting their dreams and encouraging them.

Not his mother.There's been a few hurtful,nasty comments made in the past few weeks as we have progressively got closer to the final stages of the visa.His mother is now ill with shingles,and in quite a bad way (nothing life threatening though) and my poor Weegie boy is blaming himself..........as she told him 'It's a stress related illness'.I.e. It's all your fault because you're going away.And that was one of the tamer things she said!

He can't come home and get excited and tell her how things are going as she just throws it in his face and makes negative,hurtful comments.I'm not a violent woman but if I had been there I would've slapped her one!

The most hurtful thing is,it's all coming out now.Nothings ever been said before.I understand they've had 7 years to get used to the idea,and probably thought we would never actually do it,but FFS,that's your son/brother.

I tried to be supportive,I tried to listen and cuddle him and empathise but after a few hours I lost patience.Family shouldn't make you feel like this.It's NOT his fault his mother is ill.Family should be supportive of of another,not make you feel like shit because you're following your dreams.

My family were so different.They positively encouraged my sister and I to travel the world and expand our horizons.Every time I went off travelling they were always full of support and happy for what adventures lay ahead.They didn't burst into tears at the thought of their daughters backpacking to the other side of the world,by themselves!

When I left on my Australia-Scotland overland adventure,they threw a big party for me and everyone made a wee good luck,happy speech for me.In fact,I didn't find out my mother's apprehensions about me backpacking across Russia until after the deed was done and I was safe in Glasgow.And there was absolutely no tears from anyone until the airport departure.FFS,my parents have both their daughters on the other side of the world!

I know that we come from completely different families,my Dad left Germany when he was 21 and my Mama left her island when she was about the same age.They met met in Bali and travelled about the world working until they settled in Oz and fell in love with Sydney.

My Scotsman's family have never left the UK,except for his sister and his niece and they only go to Tenerife or Benidorm.When in Glasgow they barely go beyond their East End bubble.It's such an alien way of life for me,but they seem happy,I just wish they would in turn be happy for the Scotsman and not make it so hard for him to go.

LAST PIECE OF DOCUMENTATION FOR THE SCOTSMAN'S VISA HAS ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a waiting game now.Happy,happy days :D :D :D :D

Shhhhhh,don't tell the Scotsman..............

But today was Afternoon Twee.It's a monthly Vintage fair just on the other side of the park from me,i.e. the posh part.

I'm really trying to be good and not spend too much money,as our move to Oz will hopefully be happening in the near future but I couldn't resist these finds.................

Tropical pin up girls,BELA LUGOSI Dracula and macarons courtesy of wee sister.

Then I spied the most awesome vintage bag EVER.....................

I wanted it as soon as I saw this but my sister convinced me to take a walkabout before deciding,as I NEVER wear beige or neutral colours.So sadly I left it and another women went straight over with her friend to check it out.

Whilst walking about all I could rave on about was that bag and how brilliantly it would go with the ample leopard print in my closet.Soooo,wee sister convinced off we went to see if it was still there.And would you believe after purchasing it,that woman that was looking at it after me came back to buy it?!?!?!? PHEW!

I know it has a few marks on the front but it is so utterly divine I have been smiling all day.Over a freaking bag! Le sigh.

Let's stop this damn nonsense!

You all know I am a hard rocking chick from way back when.I detest the X Factor and everything is stands for and what it's doing to the music industry.

I do,however find myself sucked into watching it week in and week out and even,God forbid,tweeting about it!

This week especially I just can not shut y mouth about it.We've all seen the incredibly cruel comments dished out on this here web thingy,primarily aimed at the women and their physical appearances.

Sami - fat,lesbian.Cue the jokes about food,weight and wanting to sleep with all the female contestants.Jokes that a 5 year old would come up with.So Sami is FAT and GAY.

SO.FCUKING.WHAT?!?!?!?!?

Does Craig get the same treatment?????? He's slightly overweight.NO! Is it because he's a guy?!?!?!?!? I don't know for sure.

Then of course there's that poor wee lassie from Little Mix.OK,she isn't conventionally beautiful.She's kinda quirky looking but I think she's really cute.But there have been INCREDIBLY cruel comments comparing her to a slovenly,South American animal,jibes about her weight etc.This girl is by no means over weight.And she is just that,a GIRL.Whatever your thoughts are about X Factor can we justify publicly villifying a wee lassie all over the internet for daring to chase her dream?

It was heartbreaking to see her crying her eyes out on X Factor this week and then still seeing the vicious taunts on Twitter in reply to her wee segway.

C'mon guys,we need to be building each other up,not tearing each other down.I admit I love a wee gossip as much as the next girl and I love having a wee bitch session with my friends but we never venture into such cruel territory as someones appearance.Dress sense maybe,but not their physicality,as in their actual face,beauty and looks.

We are also,however very complimentary to each other and strangers about their nice shoes,dress,jewellery etc. I'm very lucky that my small group of girlie friends are wonderfully supportive and complimentary.We build each other up,we don't tear each other down.My girlfriends and I are very outgoing and think nothing of complimenting a stranger.Some may run away thinking we've escaped from Carstairs,but for me,it makes my day when a stranger compliments me.

So today I am making a vow to the blogging world that I will try my utmost to stop bitching and tearing down my fellow females (and males),and do my utmost to compliment my friends and strangers.I will do my utmost to stop judging a woman on the way she presents herself to the world and try and do my wee bit to build each other up.

FAIL!

I totally failed and slept in last Friday and missed my WW meeting

This week however,I finish a sleepover at 8am,literally 5 mins away from my meeting.So I will hang about at a cafe with a good book and nursing a strong coffee till th

e damn meeting opens!

I am so glad to see Paul back on the scene,and I know this is slightly sadistic of me,but I am so glad to see I'm not the only one who has fallen off the wagon,BUT I am so pleased to see that so many of us keep on climbing up that wagon until we finally succeed.

And please remember.........

Onwards and upwards!

xox

Devil vs Devil

Thanks for all the twitter,facebook and blog loving guys..........especially to my last picture post.

I don't know where that quote came from but I fucking love it! I will not even disguise my use of profanities because it's that ridiculously awesome that the gratuitous use of profanities is needed.

Now,I've written and re-written a post along thee lines about a million times now.Forgive me if it's a bit disjointed.For some time the total feminist,anti-body fascist,pro body acceptance in me has been totally battling the vanity in me that wants to be slimmer.I'm totally cool with the health reasons for it,it's just the vanity of it.The want to (sort of) give in to societies dictations of what's beautiful and 'normal' and what the shops dictate to be an acceptable size.

I've said before,I have never been skinny,size 14 is maybe the slimmest I was once I hit my teens but I was fit and healthy and active.I never really suffered from low self esteem,ironically I've become more self conscious in the last few years or so,but then I have been at my biggest these last few years.Plus the fact that Glasgow has to be the eating disorder/superficial/ competitive women capital of the WORLD.........outside LA,maybe ;P

Here's a wee story for you......................

Some days I feel fcuking AMAZING and gorgeous and it must show as I still get compliments from both strangers and friends,men and women,despite my ample proportions.Other days I feel like a totally unattractive lump of lard and just don't take pride in my appearance.Then I get pissed off at myself for falling into the trap of believing that I am somehow less beautiful, amazing,worthy or plain FABULOUS because I am fat.I am really trying to work on my mindset in terms of self worth as well as changing eating habits.

I hold myself back from so many things because I think 'I need to be slimmer to do that'.For example,I really want to do a Burlesque class.But I keep thinking,when I lose some weight I'll enrol.Why the fuck should I wait?!?!?!?! Why am I listening to society's voice inside my head telling me that it wouldn't be socially acceptable,offensive even to shake my jelly in a Burlesque class?

I buy gorgeous vintage style dresses in size 14 or 16 for when I eventually lose weight and deem myself worthy of dressing the way I want instead of buying those dresses in my current size and dressing the way I want NOW.

I really need to stop this attitude and I really need to make peace with my anti body fascism vs. wanting to slim down self.I am slowly beginning to console the two.I know I need to get healthier,but I also know that my ideal body is a big F.U! to the face of fashion and society.

I have no problem with girls that want this body,as long as it's REALLY what you want and not what you THINK you should be..............

BTW,I'm not sure how I feel about the message in this photo.

But my ideal is this...................................

I know for a fact a girl can be curvaceous and fit at the same time.Been there,done that.I LOVE having boobs and a bum,but how do I tell a Weight Watchers leader that?

Yes,tomorrow I am biting the bullet and joining a meeting,but I know my goal shape is going to be at least a good few stone over the WW/BMI index ideal weight.DO I just go in and continue on till I get to the shape I want? Or will that be soul destroying as I will be 1-2 stone from goal??? My ideal weight for my height of 5'6 is 55kg-69kg/8.5st-11st,by the way.My shape at a size 14 was about 12 st.

So,onto you readers,particularly you feminists out there.How do you console the body acceptance with the vanity of losing weight (disregarding the health side,as we know that's a MUST)? Do you let your weight hold you back or do you go f*ck it and do it anyways? This goes for the guys too! Is your goal weight what your WW/SW goal is?

xox Steph

Glasgow Girls

I work with a few challenging kids that are 2:1.My fellow colleagues are usually girls much younger than me - 21,22 years old.I would HATE to be a young lady in Glasgow.

Growing up in Sydney,we young ladies preferred the fresh faced,natural look.Full faced make up was reserved for weekends only.Night time at that.Fake tan was/is non existent.You hardly see a sun bed/tanning salon anywhere and ladies seem to be less hard on themselves and their bodies and less damn competitive.

Don't get me wrong,stroll down Bondi Beach and you will be reaching for the bottle of anti-depressants.Trimmed,taut,muscly bodies.The women have AB's ffs.But Bondi is it's own little world up it's own arse.

Anyways,the other day myself,and a few of my colleagues were meeting up with our respective kids we support.Now it was 10am on a Saturday morning,so none of us had had breakfast.The 3 young ones were going out into town that night,so none of them had breakfast.Or any other meals for the rest of the day.

The reason?So they wouldn't have a bloated stomach that night.This was 10am.They weren't going out till 9pm.Then there was the spray tans,fake nails,hair straightened,make up troweled on etc. all organised and planned ahead with military precision.Does no girl do natural in this town?????????

Think TOWIE times 20!!!!!!!

Then when we went our separate ways,one of the girls was stressing out because there was another girl coming who was 'pure gorgeous'.In other words,she was worried she would be out shined by the other girls.The solution was to bare as much flesh as possible with the most amount of make up possible.

Why do young ladies in Glasgow feel the need to compete with each other and be so harsh on their bodies? Do they not realise that the men they are after don't care about the tiny bit of tummy or that little bit of cellulite? Do they not realise that a (decent) man cares more about their gorgeous smile and their lovely personality than their tan or lack of and their shovelled on war paint? Whatever happened to having a fun girls night out with your friends,rather than the whole aim being to get a man at the end of the night? When will girls of Glasgow realise they don't need to freeze their little arses off in the teeny,tiniest of outfits in order to out 'shine' the other girls out there and snag themselves a man????

I love my make up as much as the next girl,but for me less is more.Sheer mineral make up as close to my natural skin colour as possible.It makes me so sad for my lovely,gorgeous,younger friends,that they feel their worth is only determined by how short their skirt is and how pretty they look.

HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trying to maintain a healthy self esteem and emotions whilst getting healthy,physically.

Onwards and upwards........

Hello Lovelies,

I feel infinitely better after my last stressed post.I have actually managed to say 'NO' and stick to 2 days off each week this month!!!! Big achievement in this workaholic's life.

I have spent today's day off being leisurely and trying to learn how to crochet amigurumi.FAILED! Are there any crafters out there? How long did it take you to learn crochet beyond a single chain?

I did however successfully bake some choc raspberry cupcakes and some Earl Grey cupcakes.I've only ate one and the rest will be distributed amongst friends and collegues.It isn't even about the eating any more,I just like the zen and ritual of baking.I've ate uber healthy and pretty much vegan all day,though for dinner I'm trying out the sausage and chorizo casserole thing from the latest WW magazine.

In another fail! I forgot to weigh myself today.I actually seriously forgot,not a bury my head in the sand kinda forgot.

I've learnt to stop reading the 'success' stories and simply go straight to the health tips and recipes.FFS,most of the success stories STARTED at a size 14 this issue!!!!!!

Aaaannnnnnndddddd,THREE different people commented that I had lost weight this week.Don't know how the hell coz I've not been exercising or eating healthily so that was a nice surprise.Onwards and upwards from now on! :D

Aussies still out drink Scots!!!!!

Ouch! Ma heed!

I think I drank my body weight in spirits last night,celebrating my sister in laws b'day,much fun was had,much merriment was made.

I am very proud to say that despite the fact I am feeling wayyyyyyyyy seedy (someone told me that means something completely different here,I mean it in the 'bleauch,someone tranquilise me and wake me up when I feel normal again') I've been taking each meal as it comes and have been very sensible today........a little too much drink again,but that's what Sundays are for,right?

I even hauled my extremely hungover arse up and down my never ending stairs to face the general public at the supermarket to get veg and low fat humous for myself (something uber greasy and about 100pp for the Scotsman) so that I wouldn't give in to a take away.

Anyways,off to nurse ma poor heed and enjoy more precious time with my lovely Scotsman.

Have a happy Sunday :D

xox

Thank you to a reader

I just want to start with a mega thanks to 'So fat 4 now' (sorry hon,I couldn't find your name on your blog) for this wonderful comment to my last whiny bitch ass post.....................

Every day, every meal, every time I see a cookie, and every breath reminds me that this is the hardest thing I have ever done... 222 pounds gone, and not a day goes by where I do not feel fat, ugly, less than human and embarrassed that I am still fat. This is not easy, but it is simple. Not sure that helps..

It helped me greatly and inspired me to stay on track during my 36 hour (!!!!!!) shift,which was massively stressful and where I never got even 5 mins headspace.I then came home to the shittiest rota ever,nearly had a nervous breakdown looking at the challenging behaviours I would be dealing with and still managed to not reach for chocolate or vodka or a smoke.

Small victory but a victory nonetheless.

So thank you So Fat 4 Now.Go check him out,he's brutally honest which I totally admire and need! And he's a Great Dane lover too which always puts someone in my good books :D

a ranty,disjointed post.........don't say I didn't warn ya.

Why is it that once people lose a substantial amount of weight or reach goal they get all preachy and evangelical about it?I don't for one second believe that you can go from being a sugar obsessed binge eater to a quinoa-courgette pasta loving gym bunny easily.

I believe of course it CAN be done,just not that it's that easy.

Just once I would love for someone to come out and say 'It's fcuking hard.I fight cravings for chocolate every day.I still want that cake and I want it now to feed the stress from work/life in general.The gym still sucks.I still need to drag my arse outta bed to exercise everyday and courgette spirals are no substitute for real,carby pasta,but it's what I have to do.Oh,and it took me 7 attempts to finally get me where I am today'

Or is it just me????????

I am really struggling at the moment.Physically in terms of sticking to healthy eating and exercise and emotionally.Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly climbing up a mountain of fat and I'm just getting nowhere.Then I beat myself up for beating myself up.I just feel like how many fcuking times will I attempt this before I finally get to my goal????? It's not helped by the fact I work 2:1 with some kids,with skinny minnies much younger than me with borderline eating disorders/body dysmorphia.I would really hate to be a young woman in Glasgow nowadays.But that's a whole other blog post.

Then there's the visa.I managed to cut down to 130 hours at the beginning of the month,but I am now at over 210.I've just agreed to do a Weds 8am - Thurs 8pm sleepover shift.Mainly because this bloody visa is costing us an arm and a leg.On top of being the most expensive visa Australia has,we then had to fork out to go to Edinburgh (£30 before we even left the station!) and then an extortionate amount for the Scotsman's medicals,then we have to pay for his criminal record check and for a solicitor to certify his passport copies.All this to get my own fiance into my own country.And I'm so pissed off with myself,as when I read stories like this,it turns this soft hearted leftie into a slightly right leaning lass.I mean we are probably spending more than $AUD 4000 to get into my own country legally.Then I hate myself for feeling so bitter about a cause I once was so passionate about.ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the wedding/handfasting.It seems to be slowly snowballing into something so far opposite to what the Scotsman and I want and morphing more and more into what my mum,sister and others want.

I've never been the marrying type.I can barely commit to something for more than 5 minutes,let alone 5 years,let alone a lifetime! I adore my gorgeous Scotsman,but I must admit there is a teeny tiny part of me that is secretly both excited and terrified at what the next year holds.

I mean,we are in a loving,monogamous,fun relationship,but not living together means we still maintain that level of independence.I can't wait to finally live with him but I do think it's going to be a huge culture shock - living with a partner,being married and coming back to Sydney after so long away from home.Plus the fact that we are literally polar opposites in every single way.Living together is going to be an interesting ride.............

So back to the point.I understand that being the total anti-marriage woman I was,my mum and sister and friends and family are naturally excited that they can help plan a wedding for me,but I just sometimes wish they would back.the.fcuk.off.

We just want a simple ceremony on the beach,no big white dress,a BBQ in our back yard for our reception.All my ideas are getting vetoed.I feel like just giving up and eloping.

Then there's the question of children.Being 31 and 37,immigrating and marrying the big C word often comes up.We both don't want children,but sometimes it seems like I am committing a cardinal sin by actually articulating out loud the fact that I do not want kids and have never had that maternal feeling around babies.Which is strange as I love the kids I work with,the more challenging the more rewarding,I just don't want to come home to my own.The thought of falling pregnant is my worst nightmare.I respect all the mothers out there,call me anytime for babysitting duties,but it's just not for me.

So I'm just in a bit of a slump really..........visa,marriage pressures,children,uncertainty with work hours,flat sharing with 2 other people just makes me pissed off and reach for the chocolate.

Now I know people are experiencing bigger and badder issues out there and I'm a very lucky girl to have found my soul mate and be moving to Oz but I still can't help feeling like my heads about to burst.I feel most of the time like I'm being a selfish drama queen beeatch but it's where my heads at at the mo.

So a new month begins,I am seriously going to try and stick with normal working hours and get myself back on the wagon for the millionth time.

Hope you're all doing well and thanks for listening if you got this far ;P xox

Aloha petals!

I have soooooooooooooo much to blog about but so little time.I cut my days down to Mon,Tues,Fri and Sat,started the month off with 110 hours and now I am up to 200!

I have so many thoughts and news and adventures to ramble about but it will have to wait till I get a full day to myself to sit down and spew it all out........in the most elegant way possible of course.In the meantime if you are twitter inclined,you can follow my rambles on there

msfrangipani

Chat soon lovelies! xox

Eeeeeek!I am so excited,nervous,feel like spewing,butterflies in my tummy.

We are awaiting the nightbus to London and the reality of everything is hitting me.I'm even TOO NERVOUS TO EAT which is unheard of in Frangipani world.

Off to London town!!!!!

Xox

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On a happy note we are getting the night bus down to London and lodging the visa tomorrow! EEK!

I had a mini breakdown on Sunday.Tears were shed and tiaras were thrown but we've done as much as we can now.All we can do is wait and see.I'm sure they'll contact us if we need anything extra.

I'm nervous and excited and have had butterflies since Saturday.

German guilt

I've just finished watching 'The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas'.

Currently bawling my eyes out and feeling 'German guilt'.

As most of you know,my father is German and all his family are still over there and I have a German passport.

We never,ever speak about the war and even the Berlin wall.My father only mentioned it once when we were on the East Side visiting his Grandpa's old house.He said he used to come and visit his Opa in the summer when he was a child and one day there were big trucks coming down the road with massive blocks on them.He asked his Opa what they were for and he replied that 'they are building a big wall'.That summer was the last time he saw his Opa.

We get wee fascinating snippets here and there when my Dad has had a few Jaegers but as a whole the wall and the war are never discussed.When I was younger I never used to understand why my Dad was at times seemingly ashamed to be German.I thought,it was in the past,people know Germans aren't like that nowadays.But then I met Germans my age when travelling and even they would say they were Scandinavian instead of German.

I never understood until I went to Auschwitz - Bergen Belsen myself in 2004 and felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt.Everything was set out so efficiently and orderly and so German.Think Germany and what's the first thing most people think of?

I have so many questions that I wish I could ask my grandparents or even my father but I know it's still too sore to ask about.I have travelled extensively around Germany and it's an amazing country with brilliant people.Of course there is good and bad in all races,but Germany is at least facing it's past head on and trying to reconcile for the future.

I had the chance to see an amazing exhibit called 'Hitler and the German People' at the German History Museum which explained how scarily easy it is for such a monster to come into power and then beat it's people into submission with fear which then leads to the horrors of Hitler's time.We need only look at Cambodia and it's killing fields or even what's happening in Libya at the moment.

Absolut MANGO vodka is now available in the UK.That is all.



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I got woken up by the Scotsman's alarm at 7:00am this morning and so have nothing to do but bombard you with my rambling and catch up on morning cartoons which I haven't ever had the time or been awake early enough for in yonks.

Yesterdays post was very cathartic and it was good to get all those reflections out and look over them and then discuss our future life with the Scotsman.It was nice for him,and myself actually to know that I do have much love for Scotland and will miss her and leave a part of me here as cheesy at that sounds.I really will miss it here.

Nothing I've seen ever compares with the highlands and lochs of Scotland.It's so beautiful and.....................majestic it actually brings a tear to the eye.If any of you gorgeous readers were to come to Scotland I would recommend hiring a car,driving through Glencoe (my favourite place in the whole of Scotland) and then drive up to Sandwood Bay.One of the most beautiful drives in the world and the 5 hour round trip walk to the beach is well worth it.Oh,and read up on your Glencoe history before you go,just makes it that more eerily beautiful.And men in kilts are the sexiest thing EVER!

And I've never had a deep fried Mars Bar here...........I have tried one on Bondi Beach however,shared with my sister sitting in what we thought then,was Baltic temperatures.It was lovely actually.The batter was a slightly sweet,coconutty mixture.Mmmmmm.I somehow don't think Glasgow ones will be of that calibre.This is the land of the battered,deep fried PIZZA after all.

I just need to try and calm down about everything.I actually got told buy a guy on the phone at the Australian consulate in London to not stress out and worry too much about our application.He actually told me to calm down and just relax.

PAH! Easier said than done.I know a few of you may have had experiences of trying to immigrate to Oz and know how damn hard and strict they are.However those feelings of frustration are compounded when you are Australian yourself,merely trying to get back into your own country with your future husband and no children.

I know we will most likely be fine but I don't want to be absolute about it all in the very slim chance it doesn't go to plan.It just seems a hell of a lot of rigmarole and I know it's to separate the wheat from the chaff but I still can help feeling slightly anxious about the whole thing at times.

I just want our quiet,beach side life in Kiama sooooooooo badly.Think a smaller,sleepier version of Home and Away.That's Kiama.And at a fraction of the exorbitant Sydney rental prices!I mean check out this listing.Whale watching from your own house?!?!?!?!??!

Anyways my lovelies I've rambled long enough and bombarded your timeline.I keep forgetting people actually read this!

xox

The lovely Tim asked me what made me come to the UK.I started to type an answer and realised it was getting wayyyyyy to long winded and deserved it's own post so here goes.........

Hahaha,I get asked that all the time.Basically I've always loved travelling,my parents met travelling and are both immigrants to Oz,so my sister and I were always encouraged to get out and see the big,wide world.

Did a couple of backpacking trips through SE Asia during my Uni breaks.I decided special needs teaching wasn't for me,it's severely under resourced and under budgeted.I respect teachers greatly for what they try and do with such limited resources but I just felt special needs teaching was like a glorified creche.

Sooooo,I dropped out of Uni and thought I'd better do something with my life as all my friends were either working their ways up the career ladder or sensibly stuck it out at Uni.I decided to make my way overland from Australia to Europe/UK.Which I did,and was the most amazing and at times scary,6 months of my life.

The options to settle were either Germany,with my very rusty Deutsche or Scotland which I'd always fancied for some reason.I definitely knew I didn't want to do London,Edinburgh or Dublin,so Glasgow it was as jobs for non-fluent,non TEFL qualified people were of course not very great and I was running out of funds.

I didn't want to do the usual big 3 as I wanted to come over here and really get assimilated in the local culture,as opposed to hanging about a bunch of other Aussies in Shepherds Bush.I came to Glasgow with my last pennies,intended to stay a year or 2 before moving on and trying to do some seasonal work around Europe,but the friendship with the Scotsman turned into romance and 2 years turned into 7.

Phew! Are you still with me? ;P

I don't regret the travelling or dropping out of Uni as I had some freaking awesome adventures,and met the love of my life.At times I have pangs of,not so much regret but maybe guilt for letting my parents down - they both dropped out of school at 15 due to poverty and worked their arses off to get where they are today,and because I realise that the opportunity for Uni has maybe passed me by,which some people would give their right arm for.

It's certainly been an emotional roller coaster,but that's another post......and don't even get me started on the weather.On the whole though,I'll be leaving (hopefully,all going well) with good memories,and leaving a little bit of my heart in Scotland which is still one of the most beautiful countries I've ever had the pleasure of travelling around.

xox

I got my September rota today and for the first time in a year I have looked at it without feeling dread,horror or a lurch in my stomach.My pay is inevitably going to suffer but I am so less stressed about work I don't care,I will just make do.

I will have more time for cooking and baking (on a budget),the gym and general 'me' time.

Inevitably one stress replaces another and I have been an absolute mess of nerves about the whole visa application,moving back to Sydney after SEVEN YEARS in Glasgow (7 1/2 in total away from home),having to live with the parents till we find our own place,finding jobs,starting from scratch,trying to organise a wedding from the other side of the world and with 7 months to go.And on top of all that my wee sister isn't talking to my mum and the parentals are exacerbating my stress levels.I'm thirty-fucking-one FFS! Yet they can still make me feel like a kid that doesn't know what I'm doing in the big,bad world.Helllllooooooooo!I've managed nearly 8 years on my own,I'm sure moving back to my HOME TOWN won't be that big a deal!

Mentally I'm not here anymore.I mean,my hearts not in it anymore.I'm ready to go home and in some ways I am already emotionally over there.My room is a shambles coz I just don't give a shit anymore,I know it's all going to get packed in boxes soon.And I just keep thinking in terms of Kiama/Sydney if that makes sense.

On the other hand,I'd always thought I would be racing to the airport as quick as my legs would take me,without a second glance but I'm beginning to realise I really will miss this place despite the total roller coaster ride my time here has been.

Anyways,I've rambled on enough for a a Friday night.Off to contemplate all these things taht are whirling about in my head.

xox

Super awesome yogurt cake recipe anyone????

I used to have a super awesome and healthy (!) raspberry yogurt cake with low fat cream cheese frosting from the Australian Women's Weekly.I cannot for the life of me find it online so I'm throwing it out to you lovely readers is you have any lovely cakey/muffiny recipes that involve yogurt?I have some about to go past the best before date but I'm sure they will be OK baked into something.

If I'm working it's usually always breakfast on the go and muffins are the easiest.Not the best,most healthiest choice,but when home made from a healthy recipe no worse than cereal or bread with jam,nut butters etc.

Goal for the month is to cook,cook,cook,bake,bake,bake*

*decadent baked goods shall of course be distributed amongst loved ones and workers.

Lazy Sundays are the shizz.......

Having an extremely lazy Sunday and it's complete bliss.Started the day with a cocktail and I'm not even going to apologise for it.Hell,it's my only day off and it was 6pm in Sydney...........

Met up with 2 of my wee sisters best friends all the way from Sydney.They wanted a true,artery hardening Scottish breakfast of black pudding,fried bread,potato scone and square sausage (plus the other usual culprits) and so we went to Brooklyn Cafe for the last time.

I've always thought it was a bit over priced,but the food and service is usually good so as a wee treat it's a nice outing.Today however the waitress was downright rude and abrupt,they forgot the Scotsman's order TWICE,then when it finally came out for the third time it was wrong!!!!

Now I understand mistakes happen,and having a father in the restaurant business I usually hate to complain,but it wasn't overly busy and I'm sorry,but it's blatantly obvious something is amiss when 4 out of your party of 5 has meals in front of them and one person doesn't!Then to forget it twice and get it wrong a third?!?!?!?!?

And the thing that gets us the most is that there was no apology or acknowledgement of the mistake.The Scotsman went home hungry and pissed off and had to have a home cooked brekkie when we came home,which he wolfed down like an 18th century street urchin.You all saw him in my last post,he cannot afford to not eat!!!!!

I've looked up reviews for Brooklyn however and it's not got that good a rep.Seems to be going downhill fast and the manager is getting a rep as a dour faced bast*rd.

But that's my rant over,I know it pales in comparison to the other things going on in this crazy world.Seems trivial to complain about a breakfast when people are dying for democracy and freedoms we take for granted.

In other goings on,I've just ordered a shitload of pin up and burlesque embroidery patterns and some creepy cute *crochet books in an attempt to keep my hands and mind busy and away from wandering towards chocolate. * Don't judge me,I can still keep up drinking with the young ones,thrashing to death metal and come home on a sunday and do some snazzy crafting!

I'm currently trying to piece together a weekly menu and get in some more (healthy) baking and cooking as we have not had a good,proper home cooked meal in yonks.Will post that up once I manage to tear myself away from my (pointed) homemade Sangria.I'm afraid it's going straight to my head and making my thoughts all fuzzy.Probably doesn't help that it's Aussie measures and not Spanish ones ;P

Till next time! xox

A wee Gem from a gorgeous,voluptuous vixen.........

A wee gem from a gorgeous Aussie fatshion designer and all round FABULOUS female,Gisela Ramirez

One of the things we love about you is that you’re so comfortable with your body (and rightly so!). Have you always been this way?

GR: Thank you! No, I haven’t always been this way, it’s been a journey. I think a good place to start is by throwing out your beauty magazines and detoxing from the pop culture definition of beauty. The next step is to bite your tongue when you think of criticising the way other people look or dress, and ask yourself why you feel the need. Those two single acts give you permission to see yourself in a different light & I promise they can make an impact on anyone’s life.

Oh dear..........

I've just seen my dream Whirling Turban wedding dress for a fraction of the cost at Vivien of Holloway.

There is now about 10 dresses I could possibly choose from.EEK!

Too many options for this indecisive little drama queen.Luckily the Collectif one I've bought already was uber cheap,and would totally be something I would wear on a daily basis.

Still possibly thinking about leopard print halterneck circle dress with a red petticoat,but my mum would probably not speak to me for 6 months and as much as it's NOT about her and all about MOI for one day of my life,I probably am just inclined for leopard on my wedding day just to piss her off.How the hell such a traditional mother gave birth to such a rebellious daughter I will never know.

Decisions,decisions...............

But it has given me a new found and much needed motivation.I've been good with eats,cutting down the drinking,no smoking this week.

Still need to fulfill my promise of coming on here with a meal plan for the week ala Paul.But I am so sadly skint that meals haven't been able to be planned as I have had to make a mish mash of whatever is in the cupboard.

One more week of crazy ass work then down to a 4-5 day week,so no excuses for the gym.

And it's a really bad photo (taken at a *relly bash - far too many cocktails and shots),but here is what I have to contend with..............

Look at his arm compared to mine.He is literally HALF my size and yet my Scotsman can eat 100 PP a DAY and yet remain the same weight since he was 16.Oh,and on his days off there's beer or red wine on top of that 100 PP!!!!!!!!!!

I need to be firm with him when he wants to get take aways.He thinks he's doing me a good turn as it means I don't have to cook and we get to maximise the precious time we spend together but even after 7 years he still can't seem to see the difference in our metabolisms :S

Off to look at wedding p*rn now.xox

P.S. A relly bash is an Aussie term for a party/BBQ with the relatives,family and friends i.e. the rellies.

The little Aussie battler that just won't give up.

Enough fcuking around.I officially suck at weight loss,but I cleaned up my blog roll yesterday and realised something.OK,I may suck majorly at sticking to exercise and healthy eating,I may be taking years to lose that second bloody stone,I may be fcuking around drinking and partying too much,I may have issues that need serious addressing to combat my emotive eating ,but I'M STILL HERE.

Plodding along,working away,falling off the wagon,screwing up,getting back on again,working away,falling off the wagon,screwing up,getting back on again,working away,falling off the wagon,screwing up,getting back on again etc. You get the picture.

The point is,I'm still here,still constantly trying and I will get there one day even if it takes a thousand FAILS! and re-tries.And I thank all of you readers that have been patient enough to still stick around when you hear the same old spiel over and over again.

Love you all long time! xox

Ugh,I've been up since 10:30am and haven't done anything constructive beside phone my parents and a friend.....and go out to get some stuff for dinner.Except I came back with 2 bottles of nice red (on offer,and one's for a rainy day!) and no dinner.

I guess the luxury and novelty of actually having a second day off in a week was too lovely to even contemplate doing anything other than potter about in my comfies.

I've not even turned the computer on till now.Ive been so lazy it's just twittering on the iphone.

I hope everyone is well and safe in London.Looks like things are slowly calming down? And I can proudly say that Glasgow is riot free.We were all really worried that we would be next as the poverty and deprivation is incredible here,not to mention the mindless thuggery that happens here on a daily basis thanks to the local Neds (Non.Educated.Delinquents) I was shocked when I first came here at the sight of some of the really run down,deprived areas.I'm not saying Australia is without it's problems but some places in Glasgow rival former Soviet countries.

However despite all this bleakness here is something to warm the cockles of your heart.............

Something nice for Ashraf

xox

First of all I hope those of you with loved ones near or in the midst of the riots are OK.We are checking anxiously on friends in London and can offer comfy couches and home cooked meals for anyone needing refuge.

I'm sorry guys,I know this is usually a lighthearted blog but I've just seen something that's made me really sad.

I was on my sisters facebook page and her status read 'London rioters = douchebags of society'

Most people's sentiments,including mine,exactly.However a friends of her mum then wrote this underneath..........

'We should have listened to old Enoch Powell all those years ago.My old man will be turning in his grave'

I will be honest with you guys,this nearly made me cry.

I understand the total anger at these idiots.At first I empathised with the frustration,the complex issues at heart etc. but now it's gone too damn far.

Since when however,was this idiocy related to race????????? This is not about race,people!!!! It's about a small number of numbnuts of ALL races!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please don't let a small number of douchebags taint your opinion of those of a different race to you.

If Enoch Powell were in power my sister and I,along with many other immigrants wouldn't have been allowed to settle here.My sister and I both work 2 jobs,at least 50 hours a week.We pay our taxes,contribute to Scottish/British society,have assimilated into the local culture and are generally good Scottish citizens.

We have however also faced the prejudices that come along with being racially unusual in a city/country that's not used to seeing immigrants other than Asians.I've been numerously told to 'Fuck off back to where you came from',called a p*ki bastard,a black bastard,gyppo bastard (told you we were racially unusual looking!) etc. Then there's the more subtle racism - being followed around a shop by the security guard,having my bus or train ticket scrutinised while loads of Scottish people are let ahead without so much as a glance,and been asked several times 'Are you half caste?'.This is deeply offensive for anyone that doesn't realise.Then there's all the blissfully ignorant questions that go along with being a half-Indonesian,half German,Sydney bred,Hong Kong born girl.

And of course I've witnessed all these things happen to other immigrants.However,I know that not ALL Scottish people are like that.It's just the ignorant few.

Please people,let's not make this sad,monstrous situation even worse than it is by bringing racism into it.

Hello Everyone,

Well twitter is blowing up with all the rioting in London.It's certainly divided Britain and makes me sad that it's come to this.

I absolutely do not condone the rioting,burning and looting,but I also do not agree with the police handling of the whole situation and the media's slightly right leaning views on this.And the way the Govt. is royally fucking over this country,well I'm actually not surprised it's come to this.

I'm seeing the effects of the public sector/govt. cuts and it's bloody scary.Both for our service users and for us staff.Quite frankly I am glad that we will hopefully be getting out of here as I really worry about the future here.I've loved my time in Scotland and I really hope the economy recovers soon.

That's all I wanted to say on the subject,please do not take what the media says for granted.Read a little further.This is a far more complex issue than it seems.

I hope that everyone in London is staying safe and this whole sorry situation calms down very soon.

And remember these are merely my left leaning views from an ethnic girl who has lived in Glasgow for 7 years and seen the best and worst of British society.I don't expect everyone to agree with me,and if you don't,cool,but no hate mail please!

Much love.xoxox

Eating out????/

I know I said I wouldn't blog again till I had successful losses but I can't shut the hell up,so here I am.

I wanted to ask how you combat eating out?

The big problem the Scotsman and I have is going out.As I've

said before,we see each other once a week on average.Now it's becoming more as he's early shifts and I no longer do so many sleepovers and nights.

As we have no kids and Glasgow has an ABUNDANCE of watering holes offering cheap pre-theatre deals we inevitably end up going out at least once a week,brunch or dinner.And while I rarely drink when I'm working on my days off I'm a total lush!

I have been really trying to have lime-soda-vodkas when out and avoiding my beloved cocktails.Much to my chagrin I found Mojitos to not be as low fat as I thought.So the drinking is kinda being controlled......it's just the actual eating out.

What do you do with your friends/lovers instead of eating out?Keeping in mind Scottish weather is not exactly kind to outdoor activities.And the scotsman and I LOVE our date nights.

I mean I adore food and the whole ritual of eating out.I don't want to become one of those food nazis who orders salad and skips cake when they go out.You know the types,I read those blogs and wanna cry.I know that's probably the reason why they are slim and I'm obese but most of those bloggers look a little too skinny for my liking.And I've read somebehaviour that's a little too obsessive IMHO.Don't get me wrong,they are in the minority.I get a lot of inspiration from healthy blogs/success stories......I just want to hit a happy medium.

I will never and don't intend on becoming skinny.I am aiming for a size 14-16 and able to run after a bus and up my flights of stairs to the 3rd floor without having an asthma attack.

I know to some that's huge and that's your before but I honestly find that voluptousness damn gorgeous.

Images from dailymail.com

So,I think I will follow Paul's great lead and plan the WEEK in advance rather than day to day.And any activity points/weekly are to be used on alcohol only.If not used,they're not eaten.So I will be back in a few days to post up my weeks menu.

In other news,we will be heading down to London again on 1st September to lodge our visa application.We have been reading on immigration forums that straightforward ones like ours can take as little as a week! EEK! We could possibly be home by November!!!!!

It's definitely time to move on.Glasgow and I have had a real roller-coaster relationship over the past 7 years,not to mention the 5 stone weight gain.I adore Scotland itself but Glasgow I can take or leave.We've both reached as far as we can go in our prospective careers,in fact I've gone backwards down the career ladder.

I'm tired of 4 day summers and endless winters.I'm basically ready to go back home to the sun and surf,relaxed way of life and working to live,not living to work.Fate called me here and gave me my Scotsman,now it's time for the next chapter in our lives.Fingers X'd......I really don't know what we will do if we don't get this visa!!!!!